List of a Lifetime
by Londoncalling89
Summary: When the end is finally in sight Mrs.Hughes makes a list of all the things she wishes to do before she dies, much to her surprise Mr. Carson decides to help.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is chapter 1 completely re-done, hope you all like it better. I encourage you to keep reading as the story gets much more interesting and eventually gets a bit M, though if that is not your thing you might just want to stop after a few chapters. Reviews are greatly appreciated! They make my little fingers write ever faster.**

Chapter 1

Mrs. Hughes had finally finished hauling the last bucket of hot water up the stairs, of course it would be here night for a bath that the pipes would break. But broken pipes or no she was getting her hot bath, so as she had done as a child, she heated all the water and lugged it up to the women's bathroom. After finally pouring it in the clean white tub, having selfishly set one of her maids to cleaning it today, she dropped the lavender bar of soap in the water, swishing it around, letting the water become cloudy as the aroma filled the room. As she began to get undressed she resolved to let her tension float away, within minutes her dress, corset and shift were off. Rolling down her stockings her hands lingered on the hard muscles of her thighs, so much lugging today would surely hurt tomorrow, but it was worth it. Stepping in she relaxed against the edge of the tub, letting the world slip away.

After a good long time, merely enjoying the heat of the water she figured she ought to begin cleaning her body, who knows how long it would be before some catastrophe occurred and her presence downstairs was needed. As she began to work the soapy lather into her skin she felt a slight pang in her breast. Taking it in hand she felt a lump, _oh God not again,_ she thought to herself. The rest of the bath passed in a haze as she quickly got herself clean, dry and dressed to go back downstairs, she needed Mrs. Patmore, and fast.

After consulting with Mrs. Patmore, who had felt the lump too, and confirmed it felt much harder and larger than the previous one, her mind began to race. She needed to see Dr. Clarkson and fast. A great deal of time had passed since the previous lump, she'd gotten older, she tired more easily, she looked at her life now not as a never ending pathway but as one coming near to a destination, but how near she was unsure.

She knocked lightly as she entered Mr. Carson's pantry, noticing his reading light turned off and his tired eyes straining to see the figures in his wine ledger she leaned over him flicking it on, chiding him "Really Mr. Carson, do you want to spend your golden years blind as a bat?"

"No Mrs. Hughes, I'd rather hoped to be done before the sun set." He said, looking up at her and rubbing his eyes.

"And when has that ever occurred Mr. Carson? In all the years we've been here, has our work ever been done before the sun?"

"No Mrs. Hughes it hasn't, but you can't say I'm not an optimist." He said with a smile.

She simply chuckled at him.

"Mr. Carson I'm afraid I will need to take tomorrow afternoon off." She said, her voice stern, hopeful hr tone would prevent him from creating any fuss.

"What? In case you haven't checked the schedule, which I might add you yourself made, tomorrow afternoon is MY half day." He said, getting very angry suddenly.

"Well Mr. Carson I can assure you I don't desire to interrupt your half day, we can both still leave the house. I doubt it will fall asunder in such a short space of time."

"Ha, well I doubt that Mrs. Hughes, I doubt that very much."

"What is the purpose, Mr. Carson," she said, getting angry herself at his unreasonableness, "of having an under butler if you never utilize him in that capacity. And furthermore, I WILL be leaving the house tomorrow just before luncheon, what you choose to do does not bother nor concern me. I came to inform you of my plans, not ask your permission." With that she began to turn to leave the room.

"And what exactly is so important you need to suddenly take time off for? A new dress arrive in Ripon, a suitor hoping to woo you?" He knew he was hitting below the belt but what right did she have to just put her needs before anyone else's.

"Frankly its none of your damn business." She said slamming the door behind her.

Elsie ended up waiting for over an hour in Dr. Clarksons waiting room, the nurse had said that they could squeeze her in between appointments, which sounded perfectly reasonable at the time but as the minutes ticked by the anxiety kicked in, her worst fears beginning running through her mind and her body began to shiver with dread.

"Well Mrs. Hughes," Dr. Clarkson said, moving back to sit in his chair as she began to button her shirt back up. "I'm afraid it is a lump, the previous one was benign, but this one feels quite a bit different. If you don't mind I'd like to remove some of the fluid from it today and have a look at it."

Her eyes got wide, before she had a few days to prepare herself, somehow this all felt rushed.

"I'll have nurse take you into one of the surgery suites and get you prepped and I will be in there shortly."

The nurse was very kind, she helped Elsie to undress, clean the area and even held her hand as Dr. Clarkson inserted his needle and pulled out a thick, milky substance. It didn't look at all like the previous fluid he had removed before she thought.

A little while later she was sitting back in his office, her feet tapping nervously.

"Well Mrs. Hughes, you might have noticed that the fluid was a bit different from last time." He paused here for a moment. "I'm afraid the tumor is cancer. I'll send the sample to the lab to determine exactly what kind it is."

"I see, well is there anything that can be done?" She asked, pushing down the panic and fear, trying to keep her head clear.

"You've a few options Mrs. Hughes," Dr. Clarkson said "We can remove the breast completely which may buy you some time, anywhere from six months to a year."

He paused there.

"You said options, not option, what else is there?" Good or bad she needed all pieces.

With a moment of hesitation and a slight waver in his voice he said "We can bypass the surgery and give you various medications to try and delay things and keep the present symptoms at bay, or we can simply let the disease run its course."

"How long would that be?"

"A few months, not more than half a year."

"So I'm terminal regardless." She said, her face turning to stone. Cutting off the emotions hitting her, instead focusing on the facts. The cold, sad, facts.

"I'm afraid so, I'm so sorry."

She put her hand up to silence him "Save pity for another day, it seems I have some decisions to make."

As she began her slow walk back to Downton her mind was reeling. She'd always known someday she would die, living itself was terminal, but she'd never had a number. Never been given a time frame to work with, suddenly she felt very afraid. Thinking about who would mourn her, the staff, some of the family, maybe, her family was all dead and gone, with no children she couldn't help but wonder who would remember her? How long before she was forgotten completely, just a name on a stone in a yard no one would come to visit. _Who will put flowers on my grave,_ she thought as the tears began to roll down her cheeks. She brushed them aside quickly, resolving herself. If the end was near, and she was unlikely to be remembered for long she would make the most of the time she had left. She'd spent her whole life caring for others, believing somehow, rather foolishly, that if she cared for them somehow it would create within them a need to care for her. At this moment that didn't seem to be the case, she would be alone in this. In her mind she began thinking of all the things she'd wanted to do. Her sister had written to her once about seeing an Opera in Edinburgh, it had sounded wonderful and Elsie had always wanted to see one, perhaps she would go, perhaps she would visit Scotland and see her sisters grave. She looked down at her black dress and thought to herself how unbecoming such a dark color was, from now on she only wanted to wear bright beautiful colors. She wanted to throw death off, confuse him, maybe he would simply give up trying to find her. Most importantly she wanted her last few months to be happy, though if she was honest with herself she was exactly sure what made her happy anymore.

When she arrived she ushered Mrs. Patmore into her sitting room and told her the news. The sweet cook, who had always been Elsie's closest female friend, began to cry and they wept together for a few fair moments before Daisy called for help from the kitchen. Elsie walked the cook into the hallway, Mr. Carson was just entering the back door as Elsie called to Alfred

"Alfred, could you please go and get me one of the packing boxes from the wine delivery, in fact two of them actually."

Mrs. Hughes then caught Mr. Carson's eyes, just for a moment, he saw the fear and sadness in her eyes, as he began to walk towards her she went back into her sitting room and closed the door quickly.

Confused, Charles walked into the kitchen to see a similar look on Mrs. Patmore's face.

"Mrs. Patmore, may I see you in the hall for a moment?"

She followed him out into the hallway where in a hushed voice he said, "Mrs. Patmore, may I ask what is going on today? Both you and Mrs. Hughes seem to be in a state of disarray and I'd like to be informed as to why."

She looked up into his eyes, fighting back the fresh tears begging for release. "Mr. Caron, it seems the lump is back and this time it is cancer."

His eyes widened, his face fell, without another word to the cook he turned around and walked right into the housekeepers parlor, not even bothering to knock.

Sitting at her desk admiring the various knick-knacks she had collected over the years, she didn't even raise her gaze to him saying, "Mr. Carson, we need to have a talk."


	2. Chapter 2

The cottage Lord Grantham had given Elsie was a sweet little one. Just one story, stairs an unreasonable thing considering the declining state of her health. The cottage featured two bedrooms, which surprised Elsie a bit but perhaps it was the only thing available. She'd had a rather difficult time deciding which bedroom to occupy. Never before in her life had she been given any chances to choose, the conundrum was rather any enjoyable new problem to her. Should she choose the bedroom with the attached bathroom but no real view outside the window due to a large tree or should she choose the bedroom with the beautiful view of the estate but with the bathroom across the hall. In the end she decided waking up to a beautiful view was worth the trek across the hall to the bathroom.

As Elsie sat at her kitchen table she listened intently, nothing. Complete and total silence, perhaps the first she had ever known. Even in the dark of night there was noise at the big house, if nothing else she could always hear Mr. Carson snoring on the other side of the wall. As she looked around her new home a thought occurred to her, if she only had a short amount of time left she ought to make a list of all the things she wished to do. Lists had always been her specialty, between orders for the store cupboard and all the other endless household supplies she'd developed quiet a skill, though all those lists now seemed silly compared to the one she now began.

She twirled the pen in her hand gently; _well what is it I'd like to do?_ She thought.

Looking around for inspiration she remembered the large bathtub in the en suite.

_To Do List:_

_Lay in the bathtub until the water gets cold_

A simple thing really but she'd never laid in a bath until the water got cold. The rare times she got into the tub it was a ten minute turn around, other people needed to bathe and there was work to be done.

_Sleep until I bloody well feel like getting up_

_Perhaps I ought not swear,_ she thought briefly, _Its my own bloody list I can do what I like!_

With this she put the pen down and began her dinner.

A week later she'd added a few more things to list and decided it was time to start marking some of them off. Starting with that wonderful bathtub. With the tub almost fully filled with steaming hot water and a wonderful lavender soap bubbling up the water she stood in front of the full-length mirror and dropped her dressing gown. She'd still not decided what she wanted to do. The medications had helped, her nausea and tiredness had improved but the beast of it all lay in her breast. Looking at the offending breast she couldn't help but see humor in the situation. Her breasts, one of her most obvious and attractive attributes had brought her many suitors when she was younger, had even manipulated a few into proposing. In the end she had shunned the typical female life of indentured servitude to a lawful husband and ungrateful children. She'd never utilized her breasts as nature had intended and now it seemed she was being punished. Those that had lay dormant for years now reaped havoc on her body and her mind.

_Oh well, why bother about it now._ She shrugged and stepped into the bath.

She must have fallen asleep as several hours later she awoke to a knocking at the front door, the bathwater now decidedly cold she jumped out quickly. Throwing on a nightgown over her slightly wet frame and hurriedly tying her dressing gown she went to the door.

On the other side of the door stood Mr. Carson, dressed in a humble suit and old bowler hat, with a suitcase in each hand.

"Mr. Carson, good evening."

"Good evening Mrs. Hughes."

They both stood still just looking at each other, her desperately trying to figure out what this man was doing, he patiently waiting to be invited inside. After a few tense moments Elsie stepped to the side and motioned him in.

"To what do I owe the pleasure Mr. Carson?"

"Mrs. Hughes I have come to live with you."

"What!?"

"I have retired from Downton and his lordship, considering the state of your health, suggested I move into this cottage with you. It has adequate facilities to accommodate two he said and besides I doubt either of us could handle solitary living after so many years at Downton." He said.

_Well I was bloody well willing to try it,_ she thought.

"This seems highly improper Mr. Carson, we are not married, we ought naught be living together." A weak argument but the only one she could come up with without hurting his feelings.

"I considered that Mrs. Hughes I truly did, but I believe the situation in itself allows us some flexibility. As you said yourself your prognosis is poor and your health is likely to deteriorate and it would be best not to be alone. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you."

"Thank you Mr. Carson." She said softly moving to the settee.

"Call me Charles, please. I'm no longer a butler, simply a man."

" A man and a friend." She said sweetly. There was a lull in the conversation; it appeared he was waiting for her to say something. It finally dawned on her.

"Oh yes and of course call me Elsie please. We ought to become slightly familiar if we are to live together." The second meaning to her words caused her to blush slightly.

" Which room is to be mine?" He asked politely, still standing at attention with a suitcase in each hand.

" Straight down the hall, on the left. I've just begun some dinner, roasted chicken and vegetables. Does that sound alright?" She said, slowly moving up from the settee.

"That sounds perfect Elsie!" He shouted as he began to move down the hallway towards his room.

_Perhaps this wont be all that bad,_ she thought smiling to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Damn and blast that woman! _Charles thought as he rifled through the drawers on her desk. She'd hidden his only copy of "The Native Birds of England" once again. For the past two weeks they'd played this game repeatedly. He'd sit in the garden telling her all about the various birds flying overhead and in her annoyance she would hide the book from him. After half an hour of searching the small cottage he was still at a loss.

_She's getting rather good at this hide and seek game,_ he thought; time to put an end to it. After searching carefully through each drawer he had given up when a folded piece of paper on her desk had caught his attention. Looking around to check the coast was clear he picked it up. Opening the paper, quickly studying her soft graceful hand he stumbled back flabbergasted. It was a list. A list of all the things she wanted to do, before she died. Moving to the kitchen he sat down and began looking through the various items, some of them seemed rather simple.

_4) Take a nap in the garden_

_7) Go to the Opera_

_10) Write a letter to everyone I care for_

Near the end one caught his eye,

_14) Never wear black again_

_Oh Elsie,_ he thought, _you should always be dressed in brilliant color. No more black._

At that moment Elsie opened the front door and stopped dead seeing him with her list.

"What are you doing with that Mr. Carson?" She asked plainly, pushing down her rising anger.

"I happened to find this as I was searching for my book, which you have hidden once again."

"I have not hidden it you daft man, its on the bookshelf. I think you'll find that is where most books belong when not in use. Now please give me my list."

"Elsie-"

"Don't Charles, I don't want to talk about it." She said softly, walking to him and retrieving the list from him. Quickly she put it in the drawer and stood in front of the desk, barricading her silly desires with her tired, worn out body.

"I can help you with some of those things, we can go to an Opera in York. We could take the train to Scotland and see your sisters grave-"

"It's a silly list Charles, I made it one night to pass the time. It doesn't matter-"

He quickly crossed the room to her, taking both her hands in his.

" It does matter, you've only a short amount of time left. There is no point ignoring that fact, if there are things you want to do then you should do them. And I'd like to help in any way I can."

"Thank you." She said, looking down at their entwined hands.

"Why are you wearing that dress?"

Her head shot up. " What am I supposed to wear?" she asked looking briefly at the black dress she had on.

"Your list, number 14, never wear black again." He said utterly bewildered at her confusion.

" Some of those things are highly impractical Charles. I've only got black dresses, and one blue skirt and two shirts that aren't black. Some of the things are that list are just silly and ridiculous. Besides black isn't such a bad color, makes me look thinner for one."

"You look perfect." He said, looking in his eyes she could see his honesty, the truth of his words. It warmed her heart. This dear sweet man was so concerned for her, he cared for her perhaps he even…no best not to think that way, not yet.

" We should go shopping! Lets go to Ripon tomorrow. I've done enough bird watching for a lifetime I think." He said his face lighting up in merriment.

She laughed out loud at that. " Well I would agree with you on the bird watching count, and I suppose if nothing else a trip out of the house would be nice. There is a nice fabric store in Ripon, I could get some material and make myself a few new clothes."

" Why don't you just buy some ready made? I've heard that's the trend nowadays."

" I'd rather just make my own. Besides I've no longer got a household to run, its amazing how free time can make one so bored."

It was his turn to laugh out loud.

" Very true, well Elsie lets get dinner started. I'd hate to waste away tonight and spoil our plans for tomorrow."

The next day they were up early and off to Ripon. By the time the shops opened at ten both Charles and Elsie were eager to begin their shopping.

_This might actually be fun,_ Charles thought to himself. That thought quickly disappeared as the young sales girl gave him a wink as they walked through the door. _Hmpf, girls these days, _he thought.

As Elsie began wandering around the shop looking at various bolts of fabric Charles headed over to the ready made garments, which in his mind would be much more convenient and as good a quality as anything she could make herself. Picking up a green dress his eyes lit up. It was perfect for her. Long but becoming, showing off her shapely figure. _Good lord man, stop thinking about her figure._ Their brief time living together had reminded Charles that not only was she his dearest friend, she was also a woman. An attractive woman.

" Mrs. Hughes." He called.

" Yes Mr. Carson." She replied as she maneuvered herself and two heavy bolts of fabric over towards him.

" What do you think of this?" He asked.

She laughed seeing him holding it up over himself.

" Well if you think you've got the figure for it, give it a go." She giggled.

"No woman! I mean for you!" he was exacerbated at this point.

" Its very lovely." Taking a closer look at it she noted it was a fine dress, well made and a beautiful color. She picked up the arm to examine the price then quickly dropped it again. It would be a cold day in hell before she paid that sum of money for a dress.

" You don't like it?" He said, confused at her sudden disinterest in the dress.

" It is lovely, but" she lowered her voice, " its rather expensive. For that cost I purchase enough fabric to make several outfits."

" Ah." He said suddenly understanding. " But wouldn't it be easier, think how long it will take you to sew all that versus simply purchasing this. I bet they'd let you change into it here and you could walk home in it."

"Charles Carson, I have picked out what I wish to purchase. I appreciate your concern but it is time to drop the matter and now!" She said, quickly turning on her heels and heading towards the counter.

He placed the dress back on the rack and followed her to the front. He'd done it now. He could look forward to an ice-cold walk home followed by a less then pleasant evening. _Couldn't have just shut your mouth! _He thought to himself, but really she'd worked in service so long surly she had saved up some money. With the sum he had saved he could purchase several dresses, perhaps even the whole supply. At that moment a brilliant thought occurred to him, he ought to just buy the dress for her himself. Spinning on his heels, causing her to look over at him with concern for a moment, he disappeared to the back. A moment later he returned, green dress in hand.

" Charles, what are you doing?" She asked, had her tone of voice not gotten through to him? She'd seem housemaids practically jump to the ceiling after that tone of voice.

" I'm purchasing a dress." He stated plainly.

" You absolutely are not. I will not have you spending any of your hard earned money on me."

" I don't believe I asked you. Besides its not such a great sum, I've saved up plenty in my years of service."

" Charles Carson, " she said handing the clerk her money and taking her package of material, " you are the most stubborn man I have ever met. If you insist on purchasing that dress then you can bloody well walk back to Downton by yourself. I asked you to let the matter lie." Tears began to form in her eyes as she rushed out of the shop.

Looking bewildered at the shopkeeper he handed her the dress. " Please put this on hold for me I will return tomorrow to purchase it. My name is Char-"

" Charles Carson, yes. Will do." She said, trying to suppress a giggle, while giving him a very sympathetic look.

He nodded politely and rushed out the door, quickly catching up to Elsie. Her little legs presented no competition for his big ones, moved even faster by his concern and confusion.

" Elsie, what is the matter!?" He said, grabbing hold of her shoulders and turning her to look at him.

" I told you I didn't want the dress. You couldn't have just let it go. I don't need a knight in shinning armor Charles, if you just want to be the hero then return to Downton and your precious Lady Mary because I'm not interested. If I wanted the dress I would purchase it myself."

" But you said you liked it, you thought it was lovely. You've worked for enough years and I'm sure his lordship has given you a generous pension, if you like the dress you should get it."

"Damnit Charles! If you must know I did receive a generous pension from his lordship however the medications I've been taking to keep my illness at bay are very expensive. I've no money to spare, I probably shouldn't have even purchased this." She said her arm flying up indicated the bag dangling from it, trying to hold back the tears she continued " but as you so delicately pointed out, I needed new clothes and it was on my list. You and that stupid bloody list, I wish I'd never made it! Clearly I wont get any peace until I am cold in my grave." At this her struggle against tears was abandoned and she began to cry in earnest.

He quickly wrapped his arms around her. Gently rubbing her back, thinking what he could possibly say to sooth her.

" Don't talk about your grave Elsie, please anything other then that. If you wish I will forget about the list. I will never mention it again. I'm sorry I pushed the dress at you. I just wanted you to have something nice, you deserve it after so many years taking care of others. Putting everyone's needs before your own. I'm sorry."

After a while her tears subsided, eventually she pulled away from his arms and smiled up at him.

" Lets go home Charles. I'm very tired."

With that they turned back towards Downton and made their way home. As they walked a plan formed in his mind, she would get the green dress and whatever else she needed, he might need some assistance from a trust worthy friend but he would figure it out. Number 14 on her list, no more black and by God she would get her wish.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When Elsie arose the next morning she was rather surprised to find Charles sitting at the table finishing his last sip of coffee.

" You're up early." She said, sitting down across from him, still rubbing her eyes.

" 9:30 is hardly early Elsie." He chuckled.

" It is when you're retired. I've half a mind to stay in bed all day." _And not alone,_ she thought silently.

" Well I've got to go over to the big house this morning. Check in on Anna and Mr. Barrow."

" Ah, the new captains of the ship." She said pouring herself a cup of coffee, not her usual morning drink but it was easier then getting up and making herself anything.

" Must make sure they don't want to jump ship like drowning rats. The weather looks nice this morning, perhaps when I get back we can go for a picnic at the lake."

" That would be lovely." She replied, wondering where his sudden sentimentality had come from, a romantic lake side picnic, hardly the thing for a stuffy butler.

" Well that's me off then. See you later, try not to lay in bed the whole time I'm gone." With that he grabbed his hat and coat and headed towards the door.

" Cheeky man…" Was the last thing he heard as he headed on his merry way, the wheels of his plan now in motion.

" I'm not sure I understand Mr. Carson, I'm to drop everything I'm doing run to Ripon, buy Mrs. Hughes a few new dresses, break into your cottage put them on her bed and sneak back to Downton."

" Yes, and before four o'clock as well. I cant imagine I will be able to keep her out past that, she likes to nap before dinner."

" Mr. Carson, I'm not sure that can be done."

" Listen Anna, I know this is a lot to ask but consider all the things Mrs. Hughes has done for you over the years, she is too stubborn to ask for help. This is something I can do for her, we can do for her. Here I've brought some money," he said pulling out a handful of notes from his pocket and laying them on the table before her.

Anna's eyes got wide as she mentally added up the various notes.

" Mr. Carson there's probably three hundred pounds here!"

" Three hundred and sixty five. I think that ought to be enough. I was thinking three or four dresses, two skirts and a few shirts. There is one green dress on hold under my name. I'll leave the rest up to your discretion but I must request no black. She's spent so much of her life in dark she needs color. Oh and a new night dress, perhaps a matching robe if they have one." He had noted the bottom of her night dress looking rather worn, he could only imagine how the rest of it might look.

" I'll do my best Mr. Carson."

" Thank you Anna."

" Mr. Carson, how am I to get into your cottage? I'm sure Mrs. Hughes will lock it when you leave."

" I will hide my key under the rock to the left of the front door. Just return it to that spot when you are done."

With that he winked at Anna and left. Time to convince Mrs. Patmore to make them something special for their lunch.

It took Charles a full two hours to return to the cottage and convince Elsie to accompany him on a picnic. He praised the beauty of the weather and assured her the sun was simply moments away from shinning. She however looked ominously at the dark clouds, that seemed to be getting grayer by the minute. Finally after much pushing on his part she relented, grabbed her thickest coat, following him out of the cottage and down towards the lake.

He was a fair few feet in front of her when he finally stopped, looking around deciding it was the perfect spot he laid out the blanket before them.

" I think this will do quiet nicely." He said proudly, sitting himself down on the blanket then lending her a hand.

" Yes, this does look quiet nice, even if those clouds do not." She said opening the picnic basket.

" What have you got in here Charles Carson!" She exclaimed pulling out crystal wine glasses and crisp white china plates.

" I asked Mrs. Patmore to make a nice meal for us. It seems she went all out." Grabbing the bottle of wine from the basket he opened it as she began distributing the roasted chicken, fruit, cheese and chocolate cake Mrs. Patmore had packed.

They sat in silence eating, enjoying the view of the beautiful lake. Occasionally Charles would steal a glance at Elsie, she seemed to be enjoying herself rather nicely, smiling sweetly at the lake. Fond memories of her life passing through her mind. He hated to ruin her moment of delight but something had been bothering him.

" Mrs. Hughes, I ran into Dr. Clarkson the other day in town. He asked me if you had made a decision regarding surgery yet."

Her ears went up, she turned quickly towards him, panic beginning to show on her face. "Not now Charles, please don't ruin this." She pleaded.

" I'm afraid I must Elsie. We both know time is a factor, don't you think a decision of this nature ought to be made and soon."

" You are right Charles, but its hardly an easy decision." She turned back to look at the water, "hardly an easy one at all."

Back at the cottage Anna found herself in rather a difficult position. Isis had followed her from the main house where Anna had put the final touches on the packages for Mrs. Hughes, and where she had recruited John to walk with her down to the cottage. As they had reached the front door Isis had pushed past them and began digging the nice new garden Mrs. Hughes had made. John ducked as a good sized rock flew past his head, at that moment Anna saw something shinny fly by as well. A key. The key to the house which was now properly lost in the grass which the gardner had declined to cut recently.

" John! How on earth will we get in now! We've only twenty minutes before they get back."

" Anna start looking on the ground and I'll see if there is another way inside."

Walking around the house John noticed that the window into Mr. Carson's room was slightly ajar. Perhaps if he was careful he could open it enough to get Anna through.

After a few tense moments easing the window into a larger opening he called Anna over.

" John I cannot go through the window."

" You can and you must. Besides you're small enough, for now." He said with a wink and a pat of her bottom.

" John." She said in a warning tone.

" Anna, darling you go through the window and once you are inside I will hand you the packages. Place them in Mrs. Hughes room and we'll leave."

" Cant I just go and open the front door for you?"

" But we've no way to lock it again. Mrs. Hughes will be rather suspicious if the door that was locked is unlocked when she returns home."

" John, she's going to know somebody was here. I doubt she still believes in Santa Claus."

" Be that as it may we've an illusion to keep up. Now hurry up we haven't much time."

The next fifteen minutes seemed to pass at a snails pace as Anna wiggled herself into the house and shuffled between the window and Mrs. Hughes room gently placing on all packages on her bed. Twelve packages in total, _I doubt Santa ever brought Mrs. Hughes this much before, _she thought with a giggle as she maneuvered herself out of the door. Within a moment they were walking as quickly as their legs would take them back to Downton.

Isis following close behind them Anna couldn't resist, "Damn dog!"


	5. Chapter 5

**N/A: Hello all, I suppose at some point I ought to do the customary "no copy right infringement intended" so there you have it. I am very slowly attempting to get myself back into the habit of writing for fun, the past few years have been filled with only academic and unfulling writing so bear with me as I get formatting and the like down. Also I'd really like to say thank you for all the reviews, I greatly appreciate them and use them as motivation so keep them coming! With that said, enjoy!**

"Not an easy decision to make, it seems pretty damn easy to me add months onto your life or surrender without any fight. The Elsie I know never backs down."

"Yes well the Elsie you knew wasn't face to face with mortality, this one is. Besides Charles what is the point, whether its three months or eight the end is still the same. Can't I just live this short part to the fullest and call that good."

"It's not good enough for me." He retorted taking a swig of wine right from the bottle.

" I don't recall asking you." She quipped.

"Well I don't recall ever asking you what you thought of my bowler hat but you never missed an opportunity to tell me how ugly you thought it was."

"Charles-" she said changing tactics, perhaps she could placate him and still salvage the day.

"No Elsie, you need to fight this, you need to grab every minute that is offered to you. I know I've never said a anything like this before but you are my best friend, you've been by my side for thirty years. I don't know how to exist in a world where you don't. I know the end is near, I know I can't cure you. And I assure you if I could nothing would stop me-"

"Thank you but-" it seemed she wasn't likely to get a word in edgewise.

"We've never had time like this Elsie, together, just us doing whatever we want whenever we want. Let me have this time with you, let me have all the time with you I can get. Perhaps the more we get now might easy the agony ill feel when it's all over."

Tears began rolling down her face, how could she refuse this man. This man who cared for her so earnestly. She had to admit she had felt some relief knowing she was going first, that she would not have to watch him wither away, hold his hand at the end.

Cautiously he leaned over and wrapped his arms around her. Pulling her tight into his chest he dropped a sweet kiss on the top of her head. She stiffened slight and he pulled his head away from hers, still holding onto her tightly.

"I'm sorry Elsie, that was a bit familiar for me."

"It's fine Charles it's actually rather nice to be held, to be cherished. I haven't felt this way in a very long time."

She leaned back into his arms, surrendering to his soft strength. Silence enveloped them for a few minutes before he gathered his courage.

"So you'll fight? And let me keep cherishing you." He asked tentatively, ready for another dressing down he deserved after his bold speech.

"Yes Charles I will fight, for you I will fight."

As they walked leisurely back towards the cottage Elsie could hardly contain the joy bubbling inside of her. When she left Dr. Clarkson's office that fateful day she'd had no real reason to fight, to want to live. No family left, a few friends but really nothing worth fighting the looming clutches of death. But now she had him, she had Charles, whose world she now knew would be irrevocably changed by her death. Someone death didn't seem so frightening, she had a reason to live, a reason to enjoy her days, because they would be their days, together. Suddenly these thoughts overwhelmed her and in a moment of madness she stopped and looked intently at him.

Noticed the lack of shadow next to his he paused and turned to look at her, her face releaving nothing of the wheel turning inside her mind.

"Elsie?" He said, preparing his body to rush to hers in fear her tears would return.

"You know Charles, there is something I forgot on that list I would very much like to do."

"Yes?" he replied, his curiosity now peaked.

"I'd really like to…race!" She yelled sprinting off ahead of him, skirts flying in the air, smile leaping from her face.

"You wicked woman." He yelled hesitating for a moment then leaping into action. "You got a head start." He yelled following behind her at rather a fair pace.

She turned and yelled while still running "we'll you've got longer legs, I need every advantage I can-" her last word cut off as a particularly large rock lining her path encountered her bewildered foot which quickly conceded the battle and sent her tumbling down a small hill.

"Elsie!" Charles shouted, terror engulfing, how devastating would this sort of injury be to one already on deaths roster. quickening his pace, pouring every ounce of energy he had into his old tired legs.

When we finally got to her the sight before him surprised him immensely she was lying flat on her back, hand over her mouth trying desperately to control her giggles. Falling next to her he clutched her free hand to his chest.

"Are you alright!?" Quickly his eyes scanned over her whole body, no bones were protruding out and a river of blood had not sprung from anywhere.

"I'm fine Charles, I've not had fun like that in years!" Her giggles overwhelmed her as she sat up, now face to face with him.

"Elsie..." Slowly the concern drained from his face and was replaced by a hearty smile. The next action would forever remain a mystery to him, on his own death bed he would contemplate what magic combination of events could have lead to that moment, but without a second thought or hesitation he leaned forward and placed his lips on hers.

Her giggling ended at once. Instead every thought, every fiber of feeling in her body rushed to her lips as this powerful sweet man pressed himself ever so much closer to her. Her arms quickly wrapped around his neck, subtly telling his body she was an open invitation. He gently opened his mouth, and tentatively pushed his tongue towards her closed lips. Never having been this far with a man before Elsie hesitated unsure what she should do. Finally she relaxed her senses and followed Charles lead. As her mouth opened his tongue quickly pushed inside, searching, sucking, trying to find every sweet spot this woman possessed. Encourage by his grunts of pleasure Elsie pushed her own tongue towards his, dancing together in a moment so pure not even Shakespeare could have captured its beauty. Her hands reached for his head and her delicate fingers tangled with the soft locks of Charles greying hair. Soon the need for Air became apparent and Charles lead away from the kiss.

"Elsie..." He whispered her fingers still combing through his locks.

"Don't Charles, for once I beg you don't say anything. Please." She smiled sweetly and he conceded this victory to her.

Bones creaking he stood up, lending her a hand as she got up. Grabbed hold of the picnic basket he had thrown to the ground, she weaved her arm through his and they began a slow walk back to their cottage. Her wish for silence granted she smiled to herself as she savored the lingering taste of Charles on her lips.

That evening after dinner Charles had still not broached the subject of, what was in his mind, the world's most perfect kiss. Instead he assisted Elsie in another task from her list, write a letter to each person she cared for.

"So who's it to be tonight?" He asked setting down her pen and ink on the side table next to her.

"Mr. Barrow I think, a rather short one no doubt and Ethel."

"An odd combination if I do say so myself." He quipped setting her paper and writing board on her lap and collapsing into his cushy chair with a book.

"Sometimes life can be very odd." Shooting him a knowing glance.

After about an hour Charles had had enough of what he assumes must be the worlds most boring book and looked over at Elsie whose pen dormant and eyes gently shut.

"Elsie?" He said sitting up and tapping her side softly.

"Hm, yes. Oh I must have fallen asleep, oh well at least Mr. Barrow is done, Ethel will just have to wait until tomorrow." She said handing him the sealed letter with Thomas' name and getting up.

"Speaking of things that need to be done tomorrow, we need to call on doctor Clarkson and tell him our decision."

"Our decision?" She said, slight surprise and amusement in her voice as she began walking to her room. "One snog and suddenly it's our decision." She chuckled just loud enough for him to hear as she walked into her bedroom and closed the door. Leaving Charles confused and yet smiling like a fool.

A few seconds later he heard a scream come from his room, completely forgetting the likely cause of it he sprang into action and threw open her door.

"Charles!" she screamed pulling the top of her dress back up, covering the flesh she had just exposed in the safety of her own bedroom.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly turning around facing the door, "but I heard a scream."

She hastily wiggled her arms back into her dress.

"Charles Edward Carson what is the meaning of this?" he didn't move "Oh for heaven sake I'm decent now. I would like appreciate an explanation this minute sir!" fury beginning to rise within her.

He cautiously turned around, no longer afraid of seeing her unclothed, now worried a fist might come flying in his direction. When he turned to look at her, pulling himself up to his full height his eyes glanced past hers glaring red to the large pile of packages sitting on her bed. There must have been at almost a dozen he thought, swallowing his pride in his sneaky plan he mustered up the most convincing confused express he could. Hopefully his years on the stage would prove useful tonight.

"I've no idea what all this is." He said innocently.

"Don't lie to me you troublesome man. This has got your name all over it." She said turning to the bed to once again evaluation the packages.

"Frankly I don't see my name on any of these packages. Santa must have brought them just for you."

"Santa! Hmpf!" Cautiously she opened one, pulling out a beautiful red dress. It was shorter than anything she owned, with a bodice encased in the most delicate lace she had ever seen.

"Charles…" she said turning to him, her anger subsiding and tears threatening to spill over.

"You cannot blame this on me Elsie. I was with you the entire day, I will admit I can move quickly when the occasion calls for it, such as when a damsel sends herself flying down a mountain-"

"It was a little hill-"she interrupted.

"My version sounds better, but to the main point there is no feasible way I could have run to Ripon returned here and then been back with you at the lake without your noticing and a great deal of heavy breathing." _Stupid man, don't mention heavy breathing while in her bedroom!_

"How do you know these are from Ripon?" she said, raising one brow slightly. He wasn't going to get away with this easily.

"I'm assuming they are from Ripon, besides we were there only yesterday. Ripon must be on my mind."

During the ensuing silence she sized him up, he certainly seemed to be putting on a good charade but she knew better. He was involved somehow and she would figure it out eventually.

"Perhaps you ought to open the rest of them." He said raising his own eyebrow slightly. _Two can play this game Elsie,_ he thought, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly, invariably causing the same reaction in her.

The second package contained one of the finest white shirts Elsie had ever seen. She'd avoided white her entire time in service, a terribly impractical color in a profession where spilled drinks and over turned food trays lay around every corner. This one however she would treasure. The soft cotton with delicately embroidered white flowers would stun and astound any who'd known her in her black dress days. Following that she opened a package containing a beautiful lavender skirt, simple but beautiful. Holding it at her waist it trailed down and stopped just off the floor, the perfect length.

"That would go well with the white shirt." Charles said, leasing the tension from his shoulders a bit.

"I was just thinking that, wonder what the rest of them have in store." She smiled knowingly at him, perhaps even if he was behind all this it was for good reasons, she needed new clothes, perhaps even deserved them. He cared for her, he'd shown it in multiple ways today, maybe it was time to simply enjoy it.

As she opened the rest of the boxes her smile continued to widen. Each garment she pulled out was more lovely then the last, she laid them out neatly on the bed. With only two more to open she took a moment to take stock. She now possessed both a cream and soft pink shirt, similar to the one Mrs. Patmore had purchased to impress Mr. Tufton, though mildly more flattering to her figure. Along with the lavender skirt there was a soft cream one, matching perfectly to the cream shirt. Practically the entire rainbow was now before her in dresses, one in red, one in a bright yellow, the green dress from the shop in Ripon, glancing quickly at Charles he turned his eyes to the ceiling avoiding her knowing gaze, a light orange dress laid on her bed. A color she never would have chosen for herself though it did look very lovely with embroidered roses of red and yellow hues. She pulled the second to last box towards her and opened it cautiously, inside lay the most beautiful dress Elsie had ever seen. A dark blue, completely silk dancing dress. Where she would ever find the place to wear she didn't know, perhaps she might take to dusting the house in it. _A dress so beautiful ought to be worn every day,_ she thought happily to herself. She held it up in front of her and gave a twirl around the room. Charles let out a gentle laugh at her mirth.

"Charles! This is most likely the most beautiful dress I've ever seen!" Her smile faded slightly as she recalled she had only a short time to wear such a wonderful dress.

"I shall have to take you dancing in Ripon," he said, hoping to bring the smile back to her face, "and often!" He added, and suddenly there it was again. She had let go of her sadness and let the joyful smile of a child at Christmas return to her face.

"One more to go!" She said setting the dress back on the bed, smoothing it gently with her hand. "Wonder what it could be, a pair of glass slippers maybe."

His laughter filled the room as the ribbon from the last package was pushed aside.

"Oh!" She let out a surprised gasp and lifted the garment in the air. Blushing red she turned to Charles.

"Oh my…" he stuttered.

Elsie now held within her hands the most delicate silk and lace nightgown she'd ever encountered, perhaps even the most delicate in the entire world. It certainly out shown anything the Grantham women owned.

"Charles…" she said looking awkwardly at him.

"I truly did not know, I just told Anna you needed a new nightgown."

"How did you even know I needed one?" She said completely unsure how to feel about this new development.

"I just noticed how the bottom of yours looked frayed. I assure you Elsie I meant nothing untoward."

"It's fine Charles, truly." She placed the nightgown back in the box, noting the matching dressing gown. This was too much, too much to process.

He sat in stunned silence, beginning in his mind what would hopefully turn out to be the dressing down of a lifetime for Anna tomorrow.

"I'm rather tired Charles, it's been a very eventful day." Hoping he would get her hint. She needed to lie down, and she could hardly do that in front of him now.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry I've kept you up so late. Goodnight." He got up to leave and paused by the door. "Elsie, you must know I only had the best of intentions, I never meant to cross a line. At least with the clothes, earlier-"

"Charles, I understand. Truly I do, you care for me. In a way no one has ever cared for me before, and I appreciate it. I really do. I've only one problem to deal with now."

"What is that?" He asked, ready to do whatever he could to help her. Willing to walk across the earth to sooth her mind.

"Whatever will I wear tomorrow?" She said looking up at him, a soft smile gracing her face. Kindness, she wanted to show this man kindness, just as much as he had shown her.

"Goodnight Elsie." He said, finally resigning himself to this day, this up and down, wonderful and worrying day.

"Goodnight, and Charles…" She said walking to the door following behind him. He stood just outside the room and turned and looked at her, completely unsure of what she might say next. "Tomorrow morning, if I catch you in matching nightclothes, I shall kill Anna with my own two hands." And with that she closed the door on him, giggling to herself, leaving a stunned retired butler alone in the hallway.

_I'd better get used to being stunned,_ he thought ruefully, _that seems to be the way my life is heading. _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next morning Charles sat anxiously at the table, chewing his last bits of bread in haste waiting for Elsie to immerge.

"Elsie, we should leave early to see Dr. Clarkson, I'd rather not spend the whole day in the village." He called towards the closed door of her bedroom. A moment later she appeared, completely dressed in her new lavender skirt and cream shirt, giving him no indication of what outfit she had passed the night in. Stop it you fool, its none of your business what she looks like at night.

"I'm ready Charles. We must get back in time for you to see the early birds and their worms." She grabbed the piece of toast he had left for her on his plate, quickly taking a bite of it while gathering her purse and coat.

"For your information I've thrown that book into the fire." He said standing up and helping her with her coat before getting his own, gracefully bypassing his bowler hat.

"Will wonders never cease."

A few yards down the lane Charles could no longer take the silence.

"Elsie about last night, the nightgown, I truly did not know that Anna had purchased that."

"Charles, I really don't want to discuss it. I'm not upset." She said waving her hand, as if magically that might faultier his resolve.

"Well then perhaps you could care to discuss that kiss-"

"I'd rather not discuss that either. Is it not possible Charles to simply walk to the village in silence."

"Perhaps it had passed your notice Elsie," he said coming to a dead stop in the middle of the lane, "but most times we walk together the journey passes in silence. There are things we need to discuss, just because you are content to sweep things under the rug does not mean I am."

"Charles, I'd rather not have this argument now." She said beginning her walk again, more then happy to leave him in his spot.

"Well Elsie," he said catching up to her, "that's not good enough for me. I would simply like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed that kiss, and if it isn't too forward I would like to try that again sometime."

"Charles, I…I cannot deny that I enjoyed it as well. I've never been kissed that like in all my life, sometimes I worried I would go to the grave unkissed-"

"Stop with the grave talk, for Gods sake woman!" his voice now boomed betraying his fear.

"I'm sorry. It was a lovely kiss and I can understand your desire to continue such things however…lets be honest with each other Charles. I've a death sentence looming over my head, its hardly the time to start a romance." She stopped in her tracks now, he paused as well turning to face her completely. "Perhaps twenty, ten years ago this might have become something but not now. Its not fair to either of us. Let us enjoy what we have, there is no use exploring something we wont be able to hold onto for long. Perhaps it is better to never have loved then to have loved briefly. I'm sure I've muddled that up."

"I understand." He said puffing out his chest, pushing his feelings back down into the dismal snake pit where they belonged.

"It was a lovely kiss, and I will treasure it always. But what I will treasure more is every day we spend together and no lovers embrace could surpass that." With that she grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it. He gave her a resigned smile and they continued on their path.

"Well Mrs. Hughes, I am glad you've decided to have the surgery. You've always been a fighter in my eyes." Dr. Clarkson said, leaning back in his chair slightly.

"Well you should thank Mr. Carson he is the one who pleaded so earnestly with me." She said smiling over at Charles.

"I'd hardly use the word pleaded, perhaps talked some sense into you."

"Whatever got us here is beside the point, my next surgery day is this coming Monday and it appears I have just enough time in the morning to do the procedure." He said leaning forward and consulting his schedule book.

"This Monday? The Monday that is to occur in four days?" She said in utter disbelief.

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"No of course not, I'm just a bit surprised. Monday is rather sudden." She said, looking at Charles hoping to gain some composure from his countenance, luck would have it that he himself was fighting back surprise and concern.

"To be honest Mrs. Hughes, we should have done this procedure three weeks ago. Who knows how much farther the cancer has spread by now but still cutting off its main supply will at least give you some relief. Do you have any questions about the procedure itself?"

"Well a few actually…" She shot Charles a hesitating glance, hoping he might pick up on her subtle hint to leave the room, however he remained blissfully ignorant, a bit curious himself at what Dr. Clarkson intended to do to her.

Luckily Dr. Clarkson had been through this a fair few times before, "Mr. Carson this might be the ideal time for you to step outside."

Realization dawning on him Charles immediately stood up, choking out he words "Oh yes, well of course, I'll just um…be outside then, whenever you-um are finished." He nodded to the doctor and escaped the room as quickly as he could.

"You're looking rather pale Mr. Carson," Mrs. Crawley said from the hallway, "can I get you some water."

"No thank you Mrs. Crawley, I'm fine. There is a matter I would like to discuss with you if I may. Mrs. Hughes is set to have a procedure this coming week, Lord Grantham has said previously that he will help cover a good portion of Mrs. Hughes medical costs, I would like to, without her knowing, pay off any additional balance. Mrs. Hughes has worked very hard over the years and put some aside but the costs of all the medications she knows takes is a bit astronomical."

"Yes I know, such a same medical care is so expensive, especially to those who truly need it."

"Could we arrange someway to have the reaming cost sent to myself without her knowledge. I've a goodly amount aside and there is nothing better to spend it one then one you-um…a colleague in need."

"Of course Mr. Carson, I will make note and inform Dr. Clarkson of our arrangement. I'd be surprised though if Lord Grantham did not cover the entire cost."

"Well up to this point he has done nothing in regards to her current expenses. Though I have a sneaky suspicion that has more to do with a certain Scottish lass refusing to tell anyone then a lack of charity on Lord Grantham's side."

"I suspect Mr. Carson you may be right on that point. Leave it to me."

The next few days at the Hughes Carson cottage passed in rather uncomfortable silence. Charles attempted several times to give her words of comfort but be only seemed to inflame the already angry disposition of the former housekeeper. Her dragon like tendencies that had all but disappeared during retirement returned with a vengeance now. By Sunday morning he decides to just keep his mouth shut and eyes to the floor.

Before Elsie knew it Monday morning had arrived. That morning she slipped off the blue lace and satin night gown and stood before her mirror completely undressed. Looking cautiously at the offending breast she began her goodbyes.

"I know we haven't always gotten along, when I was thirteen you were my most hated enemy but over the years I've grown rather fond of you. I'm sorry you never got to experience normal life, a mans touch, a babes hungry suckle."

She sighed, resigned to her fate and began dressing for the day.

Charles has been up since 4am and had been pacing in the living room since 6, it was now almost 8, time to leave soon. He rationalizing in his mind that he had had to get up early, it wouldn't do to eat breakfast in front of a woman who was on a surgery fast. Yes that is why he'd been up all morning, pacing around, letting every scenario run through his mind. In some of them some the surgery went horribly wrong and she never returned home, in others the surgery was a magical success and she lives another twenty yeas by his side.

"Morning Charles" she said sweetly behind him. Thinking he was still alone in the kitchen he jumped nearly five feet in the air at the sound of her voice.

"Morning." He said trying to still his slow is erratically beating heart.

They paused looking at each other, neither moving a muscle.

"Well," she said finally breaking the tension "no time like the present." She grabbed her overnight bag and headed towards the door.

"I'll carry that Elsie." He said attempting to take the bag from her, to which she quickly pulled it back towards her side.

"There is no need Charles, I'm strong enough to carry my own bag."

"That may be so but you ought to save your strength. The sooner you heal the sooner I can challenge you to a do-over on that race you so blatantly cheated at."

"Blatantly cheated you say," she laughing and handing the bag over to Charles, "You've got a good number of inches on me sir, I was simply leveling the playing field."

"That may be madam," he said closing the door behind them as they headed towards town, "but I've also got several stone on you as well." There laughter drifted through the silent cottage as they made their way towards their only source of hope.

Two days later the cottage door swung open as Charles and Elsie maneuvered themselves inside the door, Charles arm around Elsie's waist trying desperately to lessen the weight on her tired painful body. She herself had fully given into his help, she'd even accepted a ride home from the hospital from Tom Branson. _I'm still a strong woman,_ she thought, _even stronger for asking for help._

Eventually they made their way inside and Charles gently set Elsie down in her chair. He took her overnight bag and placed it just inside her room, pulled down the bed sheets, gathered a glass of water from the kitchen and returned to her side.

"In exactly three minutes Elsie you will be due for your pain medicine."

"I don't really need it Charles, I just took it to appease Dr. Clarkson, I'm feeling better already." She said, hoping her smile would hide the aching sore building in her chest.

"Well if you feel fine then I'd like to see you walk to your bedroom on your own then." He said, _two can play stubborn, woman!_ He thought to himself.

"Fine!" With that she got up slowly, and took a good three steps before a sharp pain in her side sent a scream from her mouth and her body heading towards the floor.

Charles was right there and rushed forward catching her not a moment too soon, he carefully manipulated his grasp on her arm as to avoid the sensitive surgery area. She leaned her head forward into his chest and let out the slightest sob.

"There, there," he said placing a loving kiss on the top of her head, pulling her back into a standing position. "Let's get you into bed, I'll bring in your meds then you can take a nice nap."

"I've already spent the last two days asleep!" She said, her sob now sounding terribly child-like.

"Don't you remember a time," he said picking her up in his arms and making his way towards her room, "Where you would have given your right arm to sleep all day."

"Yes, and who'd have thought the whole time I could have just given my left breast." She said a bitter amused smile on her face.

He set her down gently on the bed, pulled the covers up and sat next to her. "I'm sorry Elsie, I should have thought before I spoke." He pulled out her pills and handed her the glass of water.

"It's not your fault Charles; it's been a trying few days to say the least. I think I'll just get some sleep, you should too. Mrs. Crawley said you haven't slept since the surgery."

"Mrs. Crawley should mind her own business. Besides the nurses were running around like helpless children, someone had to be by your side in case you needed anything." He said, sitting up a little straighter, trying to down play the terror he had felt the past few days.

"Well thank you regardless," she reached up and stroked the stubble on the side of his face, she couldn't help but smile at him.

"I suppose I best clean this old face up a bit," he said getting up, "yell if you need anything. I'll just be across the hall." With that he left her to her slumber.

Elsie awoke a few hours later, the pain in her stomach was pulsing through her body. _I'm going to be sick, oh good Lord I'm going to be sick!_ She thought. With that she pulled herself up in bed, her side still sore, pleaded with her to return to the bed. She looked around, no bowl, nothing even remotely similar she could vomit into. She'd simply have to make her way to the bathroom. She got up and began the slow and tortuous prospect of getting to the bathroom. _Why the bloody hell did I give that man the ensuite! _

When she finally got to the bathroom door, relief almost in sight, she leaned her whole body weight on the door. Slowly she turned the knob, at least, she tried to turn the knob. It wouldn't go, she mustered all the strength she had but still the damn door wouldn't open. "Damnit!" She yelled to the air. She began to panic, the kitchen was too far away, she didn't have the strength to open the window and vomit into the flowers. A booming snore rang through the hallway and the only alternative came to her mind, his bathroom. She stumbled across the hall and knocked softly on the door. The only reply with another loud snore, _good Lord he'll break the windows at this rate! _She thought with a slight giggle.

"Charles!" she yelled knocking even harder. Exhaustion finally caught her and she leaned her forehead against the door.

A moment later the door flew open and she launched forward right into Charles chest.

"Elsie, what's the matter?" He asked without attempted to hide the concern in his voice.

"I'm going to vomit and my bathroom door won't open."

"Oh!" he said, springing into action he grabbed her gently about the waist and helped her into his own bathroom, cautiously she leaned over the bowl and emptied herself completely. He stood there, holding back her hair as gently as he could, still supporting most of her body weight with his arms. Eventually she leaned back up and looked sorrowfully into his eyes, tears began to fall as she mentally lamented the path her life had taken.

"Its okay Elsie, it happens to everyone. Lets get you into bed."

She only nodded and he began to walk her back into the bedroom, then much to her surprise towards his bed.

"Charles?" she said questioningly, not enough power in her to fully resist, but enough to hestitate for a moment.

"Elsie, if you feel the need to get sick again it makes little sense to put you back across the hall. I'll pull up the chair next to the bed if you need me." With this he eased her into the bed.

"Charles, don't sit on the chair. Please, I…I…"

"Yes Elsie, what is it?" he said getting down on one knee putting his eyes on perfect level with her own.

"I'd like to be held tonight. If you don't want to that's fine, I just. I feel so awful, I just don't want to be alone right now." Tears began streaming down her face, with no sign of stopping. She pulled her knees up to her chest, trying desperately to make the pain in her stomach go away.

"Oh course Elsie! Of course, there is nothing in this world I would rather do then hold you. Let me go clean up the bathroom and I'll be right back." With that he jumped up like a shot, ran to the bathroom, cleaning it as quickly but also as thoroughly as he could. Finally he climbed into the bed beside her, he rolled over to face her back and tentatively put his hand on her side. Without missing a beat she reached over, grasped hold of his hand and pulled into to her chest, entwining her fingers with his. Taking the hint he snuggled up closer to her, his chest pressed gently to her back, pulling his other arm under the pillow and up above his head, leaning it forward until it found her other delicate hand and entwined their fingers.

_God he feels lovely,_ she thought as she let the comfort of his body wash over her and soothe her to sleep.

_This must be the most wonderful place on earth,_ he thought to himself. All his life he'd been told by pastors and priests to behave and he would get his heavenly reward someday, but at this moment he was fairly certain even God himself could not come up with anything more amazing, more wonderful, and more perfect.

**A/N: This story will soon be taking a hard turn towards the M world, if that is not your thing perhaps you should jump ship here. And once again reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	7. Chapter 7

**N/A: Sorry for the short chapter here but needed to set a few things up for the upcoming chapters. This chapter is still T but the next one wont be so for the love of tea and biscuits if you don't like that sort of thing leave now!**

Charles awoke the next morning in the most glorious haze. Lucy's body wrapped tightly in his arms. Feeling his morning arousal stirring he pushed himself more insistently against her body, perhaps if he was good she would give him a nice morning treat. Gently he removed his fingers from hers and moved his hand towards her breast. He took a firm hold of it and rubbed his index finger over the quickly hardening peak. He heard a gasp of surprise and all of the sudden he realized something was different. This was not Lucy's silk night gown, this one was a worn out cotton. The smell of her hair was not heavy French perfect but something lighter and sweeter, almost like lavender with a hint of something else. And the soft breast in his hand was much larger then he recalled, Lucy's tiny bosom fit so easily in his hand but this one filled it completely, the soft flesh spilling through his fingers slightly. He opened his eyes to see the truth, the woman in his arms was Elsie, suddenly he remembered he hadn't visited Lucy in years. The stark realization that he was fondling Elsie cleared any sleepiness from his mind. Ever so gently he moved his groin away from Elsie, it having gotten ever harder and more instant since his discovery of the identity of the woman in his arms. Next he gently released his hold on her breast and slowly rolled himself over onto his back. He let out the breath he had been holding since the discovery.

"Charles is everything alright?" She asked, rolling over to look at him, her eyes wide awake.

"You're awake!" He replied, his eyes as wide as saucers, had she noticed his ungentlemanly actions, how could she have not?

"Yes I am, and I have been for sometime." She said rolling onto her back and cocking her head to the side to look at him.

"Elsie I'm so sorry! I didn't realize what I was doing until, well until I was doing it. The moment I knew what was happening I...I-"

"It's alright Charles, really. With how well you took care of me last night a cuddle is small compensation."

"Elsie I don't know how much you know about men but that was hardly a chaste cuddle."

"Yes I had noticed that. It was actually rather nice, sometimes it's nice to be held by caring arms." She said looking sheepishly at him.

"Elsie, I think we are flirting with disaster here." He said, trying to reconcile the feelings in his body and the thoughts his mind was screaming at him.

"I suppose we are but perhaps, could I just rest my head on your chest for a moment. Please?" He looked down into her pleading eyes and melted.

"Of course Elsie, my arms were made for you." He said as he moved over slightly and she put her head on his chest. He leaned over putting a chaste kiss into her hair and taking one of her delicate hands in his.

"We should get up soon Elsie, you need to take your medications soon and get some food in you. If you think you can keep it there."

"I'll get up in a bit..." She said hazily as sleep overtook her again. He stayed awake for a while looking down at her. They were flirting with disaster, and they both knew it.

He cared for her, deeply in fact perhaps he even...no there was nothing more ridiculous then falling in love with a dying woman. She was beautiful and kind but around her neck was a ticking clock, and that could not be ignored. Plus at this point they were acting enough like a married couple, especially with this new sleeping arrangement. They only thing their relationship was missing was a passionate physical one, to which, would she even be interested in such a thing? Would she be healthy enough for such activity? He felt himself stirring again and his trousers got slightly tighter, at this point he let his nerves take over and lull him to sleep.

Several hours later he awoke to empty arms. As he stumbled into the kitchen he saw her at the stove making a nice lunch for then, the breakfast hours having long since passed.

"How are you feeling this morning Elsie?"

"You mean this afternoon?" She said with a smile. "I'm feeling alright, my stomach is still a bit upset, I've decided to walk over towards the main house and call doctor Clarkson this afternoon just to see what he recommends." She said setting a nice plate of food in front of him.

"After we eat I'll get dressed and go with you."

"There's no need, I can find the way myself." She said sipping the last of her tea.

"Well I've been meaning to get up there, besides I need to have a word with Anna." He said, shoving food in his mouth at an alarming rate, he really was not used to sleeping so late. Now he felt like he was half a day behind the rest of the world.

"Now Charles, don't you go scolding Anna for that nightdress, I wont have it. It's a lovely gift and I'm sure she put a lot of thought into it." She said putting her cup down and slowly heading towards her bedroom.

"Too much cheek in that girl if you ask me." He said, slowly his pace down slightly.

"This from the man who copped a feel this morning, hm!" she said as she walked into her bedroom and closed the door, leaving an astonished Charles at the table, his fork frozen halfway to his mouth, _flirting with danger, both of us, unashamedly_, he thought.

A little while later the two of them entered through the backdoor of the servants hall. Charles made his way upstairs to speak with Lord Grantham while Elsie went to the telephone to speak with Dr. Clarkson. A short while later Charles returned and took the phone and Elsie went about to find Anna.

She found Anna in her new sitting room, entering quietly Elsie took in the moment. Physically the room was exactly as she had left it but a new essences encased it now, there was energy and youth here. The torch had been passed.

"Hello Mrs. Hughes!" Anna said turning in her chair.

"Hello Anna, how are you dear?" She said moving closer hugging Anna tightly for a moment.

"I'm wonderful, how are you doing?"

"I'm good, I must say I love the dresses you picked out for me." She said, catching Anna off guard.

"I didn't get you any dresses." Anna said, trying to conceal the guilt in her face.

"You needed fib Anna, Mr. Carson came completely clean. That nightgown shook the truth right out of him."

"I see." Anna said looking at the floor sheepishly.

"That was rather a rotten trick," Elsie admonished, but then her face and voice lightened, "but its very lovely and there really is nothing more enjoyable then seeing Charles Carson blush." At that both women broke out into a giggle.

"Are things going well between yourself and Mr. Carson?" Anna asked tentatively, wondering if her plan with the nightgown had worked.

"Very well thank you, though not as well as you seem to hope. Charles is a good man and is taking very good care of me. I best go find him actually, it'll be time to start dinner soon."

"Why don't you satay and have dinner with us?" Anna asked her eyes beaming.

"Oh sweetheart," Elsie said stroking Anna's cheek gently, "That would be lovely but after so many years of loud, noisy dinners, I rather like my nice quiet ones at home. But thank you, some other time. Besides tonight Mr. Carson and I have a serious talk to have and I'd rather not give him any chance to get out of it."

"Well, it was wonderful to see you Mrs. Hughes, please come visit more. I miss you terribly."

"You'll survive Anna," Elsie said quietly, her double meaning apparent to both of them, "goodbye." And with that Elsie turned and walked out of the sitting room that for so many years had been a symbol of her power and control. Now she walked back towards a life out of her control, a destiny she couldn't alter. All she could do now was enjoy the time she had before her, perhaps it was finally time to ask Charles to indulge her in one item she had been embarrassed to put on her list.

That night at dinner they had been enjoying the silence of their cottage when Elsie's courage and had finally bubbled enough to spill out of her.

"Charles, I meant what I said this morning. I greatly enjoyed being in your arms," at this she looked down at the table and noticed he had put his wine glass down.

"I enjoyed it as well Elsie." He said, holding in his breath, wondering where this conversation was going.

"Charles, I wonder…I know this is an odd request but could we share a bed again tonight." There was a pause. "And every other night. I confess I haven't slept so well in years and like you said last night if anything were to happen you would be right there."

"Elsie, I would be more then happy to share a bed with you but…well…we should be cautious."

"I know Charles, I only mean to sleep in the bed, nothing more."

"Elsie, would you consider marrying me? We live like a married couple now, and if it were legal I could have rights to take care of you should it ever come down to that. Then we could share a bed free of sin, I wouldn't…that is to say we wouldn't have to consummate the marriage but…somehow it would feel more proper to me."

"Charles, you are the one who didn't mind at all that we weren't married when you moved in here. Why does it bother you now?"

"You've avoided my question Elsie, I asked first."

They sat in silence for a moment, each trying to predict the next's move.

"No Charles, I wont marry you. Marriage should be based on love and well…I care for you deeply Charles and I enjoy our life the way it is now. Nothing so sweet could ever be a sin. Can we not continue as we are? Must we label something that so clearly does not fit into that label? We act married yes, with the exception of several large parts of a marriage."

They sat in silence, he was looking thoughtfully down at the table when she reached over and took his hand in hers.

"I care for you a great deal Charles. You must know that. And if we were twenty years younger things would be very different, we have something unusual yes but lovely. Can we not continue as we have?"

"With the exception of the sleeping arrangements?"

"If you'd rather not I understand Charles, as you said we are walking into dangerous territory."

"Elsie, I care for you very deeply. I cannot imagine, after last night, ever being content to sleep alone again. Just promise me one thing."

"What is that?"

"You wont vomit on me during the night." He said looking sheepishly at her.

She burst into laughter and suddenly the tension that had been building in both of them had dissipated. They got up, hand in hand and walked into their bedroom.

Snuggling up that night Charles thought what a lucky man he was.


	8. Chapter 8

**N/A: I know I promised some M but we didn't get there this time, but as you can plainly see it is coming up fast. Also did you know that reviews have the magic power to make a writer write faster, fun fact ;) **

It had been two weeks of utter bliss. By day they pottered about their home, he spent most of his time in the garden while she spent her days experimenting in the kitchen and cleaning the house. With the size of their little cottage it took her hardly any time to get the place clean. For once she felt like lady of the manor, albeit a small manner.

By night they laid together, sometimes they could chat, her head on his shoulder and his arms about her. Some days they would simply climb into bed and fall fast asleep, no matter how they fell asleep they always woke up in each other's arms. Charles had been rather careful these past weeks not to press himself up to hard next to her, no need to frighten her away, though he doubted she would be. It was her who started touching him more, a hand on his shoulder, a small rub of his back at the dinner table, a goodnight kiss that would linger longer and longer as the days went by. Flirting with danger, that's all she was doing.

He was still annoyed she refused to marry him, many a night it kept him awake wondering. Why was it such a big deal to her? It was just a piece of paper and some gold bands, of course if it was just a piece of paper and gold bands why did it bother him so much?

It was about nine o'clock when Charles and Elsie were sitting in the living room, he was in his large wingback chair reading quietly, she was sitting on the settee knitting her legs tucked up under her. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, Elsie looked over at Charles wondering who on earth it could be so late at night. He hardly even flinched at the knock and ignored her confused face, _must be a good book she thought to herself._ "Don't you worry I'll see to it." She said getting up, once again he completely ignored her as she moved out of the room. She walked over to the front door, unlocking it she opened it slowly, suddenly a large black hand burst through the opening in the door and grasped Elsies palm. She pulled back and with great difficultly got her hand loose, screaming at the top of her lungs, she moved backwards quickly and a figure clad all in black with his hood pulled down over his face came rushing at her. She pushed at the figure, pushing him back just far enough to get away. She turned and ran, "Charles! Help Charles! Someone's broken in Charles!" She yelled running into the room where he was contently sitting in his chair. She grabbed at his arm and he still didn't acknowledge her at all. "Charles!" She yelled getting down into his face. He looked right through her, at this moment the stranger stepped into the room.

"I've come for you Elsie Hughes." He figure said in a menacing voice.

Elsie ran from the room into the bedroom, locking the door behind her. Using all the strength she had she pushed the great wooden vanity Lady Grantham had given her in front of the door, all her little bottles of perfume smashing to the floor. She sat back on the bed, trying to understand what had gotten into Charles, why he hadn't helped her at all. Suddenly there was a soft banging on the door, it got loud and louder until the sound was deafening and the door began to give way. Elsie ran into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She heard the vanity give way and a person step into the bedroom, panicked she climbed into the bathtub pulling her legs up to her chest, terrified beyond belief. Tears began streaming down her face, she rocked herself gently, as her mother used to do when the nightmares overtook her. It couldn't end like this, she wanted to die wrapped in Charles warm embrace, music playing softly in the room, warm in her bed. Not cold, alone and terrified. The door of the bathroom pushed open the figure came rushing at her, she let out a blood curdling scream as she closed her eyes.

"Elsie! Elsie wake up!" Charles was yelling at her, holding her limp body up shaking her. Suddenly she opened her eyes and there was Charles, a dream, it had all been just a terrible dream.

"Oh God Charles!" She said pushing her head into his chest, hoping to banish away her fear with his warmth. Her tears began trickling down his chest, he was gently rubbing her back, whispering sweet words of comfort, telling her she was okay, he was right there, he wouldn't leave her, not now, not ever. After almost an hour her body began to relax, her tears dried up and she finally felt the energy to push herself off of Charles chest.

"It was horrible Charles, death had come for me and you just sat in your damn chair reading!" she said, slapping his chest lightly, like the Charles of her dream could be anything like the real Charles.

"Elsie, I would never just sit back and let death take you. I will be there for you till the end, I promise." He said, gently kissing her lips.

"Thank you." She said, kissing him back every so softly and tenderly.

"I don't want to go back to sleep Charles." She said as he leaned back and she snuggled into his chest.

"That's alright, we don't have to. But lets lay here for a bit. My knees are killing me from all that gardening."

"Perhaps we should take about the other things on the list."

"Indeed, well I've got one to cross off, I've gotten us tickets to Carmen in London for two weeks from today!"

"Oh Charles! How did you manage that?"

"Oh I've a few friends in London who owe me some favors. You can try out that beautiful dress Anna got you."

"The beautiful dress _you_ got me." She said smiling up at him; really what woman could be mad by such a sweet gesture?

"Well you needed a new dress and if you can't spend your money on the people you lov-um the people you care about then what good is it."

She eyes leisurely began to droop, she closed them for what she thought would just be a moment while whispering into his chest, "I love you too Charles." She was asleep before he heard her reply, "Was I that obvious?"

The next morning Elsie awoke alone in bed. She laid there in a haze for a few moments, listening to the sounds of Charles bumbling around the kitchen. There was a slight tap at the door as Charles entered with a tray in his hands.

"Well what is all this my dear Prince?" She asked, sitting up excited for this sweet surprise.

"Why is it breakfast in bed sleeping beauty." He said his smile beaming, he sat down in his place next to her, putting the tray gently on the bed.

Elsie looked down at the plate before her, the runniest eggs in the history of British cooking were sitting before her, she couldn't help but chuckle, she'd always hated runny eggs, but his smile, oh how could she disappoint that smile. Cheerfully she ate every bite down, ignoring the disgusting slime running down her throat.

"Charles," she said tentatively after she had finished her breakfast and set the tray down beside her.

"Yes Elsie?"

"There is one thing I didn't put on my list, one thing I would very much like to experience before…before I d-"

"Don't say it Elsie, you don't need to say it."

She breathed a sigh of relief, though saying the word die would hardly be the most difficult part of this conversation.

"What is it Elsie?" He prompted after a long silence.

"Charles, I've never…I've never known a man, in a carnal sense."

His face froze, blood started rushing to his ears. She began to blush furiously and looked down at the coverlet.

"I know it's a lot to ask, and I wouldn't with anyone else. There is no one…no one I've ever wanted to give myself to, except you. You can say no if you'd like, I'd understand completely but…well…reading so much lately, it seems as though the world practically turns on se…love making. It seems a shame to miss out on it."

There was a very long pause, it wasn't until she dared to look up into his eyes that he responded.

"Well Elsie, I…I'm a bit surprised" she made a face at him, "No not that you're, no that doesn't surprise me, you are a good and wholesome woman. What surprises me is that you would like to, and with me. You know that it hurts at first for a woman right?"

"Yes, I'd heard that." She said, looking back at the coverlet.

"So…well…we'd have to do it a few times for you to get any pleasure from it." He said, holding his breath.

Her lips turned up in a slight smile, she looked up at him and placed her hand on his cheek.

"I wouldn't mind that at all Charles." She said, and with that she leaned over and pressed her soft lips to his.

"Elsie, one last thing. I need to talk with ."

"Why? Does it not…does it still work? I've heard that as men get older things can-"

"I'm in perfect working order, thank you very much!" He said puffing out his chest. "I would simply like to ensure that you are sufficiently recovered for such…activities."

"Ah, well that does make sense. Will you call on him today then?" She said, looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

"My, my someone is a bit anxious."

"I've waiting so long, if its as good as some would lead me to believe I don't plan on leaving this bed again!"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Within two hours Charles was at the hospital to talk with Dr. Clarkson.

"I'm afraid Dr. Clarkson does not have any time today to speak with you. He is in back to back appointments all day." The nurse said politely but firmly.

"Nurse, please at least tell him I am here and it's very urgent. It's in regards to Mrs. Hughes who had surgery a few days ago." He said pleading with the woman, ready to try fury if groveling didn't work.

"Alright, give me just a moment."

The nurse disappeared and a few minutes later Dr. Clarkson came out.

"Mr .Carson, good to see you. I noticed you haven't been in for your annual physical yet."

"Yes well I've been a bit preoccupied."

"Well you mustn't let the health of one person over shadow your own. I've got some time tomorrow afternoon, around two you should come back for a complete physical."

"Okay of course but there is something in regards to Mrs. Hughes I must discuss with you now."

"Alright." Dr. Clarkson said waiting patiently.

"I'm afraid it's a bit private is there somewhere..." Charles said looking around the busy corridor.

"Certainly." Clarkson said leading him into a small exam room, shutting the door behind then he turned to find a very red faced former butler who seemed suddenly unable to make eye contact with him.

"Dr. Clarkson," he paused "Mrs. Hughes has made a request in which I would very much like to get your advice. You see since she became I'll I have been indulging her in activities she wishes to accomplish before…well… the end. They are always very innocent activities, go to the opera, go on a picnic at sunset that sort of thing. Her most recent one is of a more physical nature."

Dr. Clarkson just continued to stare at Charles, complete unsure of where this was going.

"We're practically married anyways, we share a house, spend all our time together, take meals together and we have...even begun to share a bed. It began when she got sick after surgery, it was easier to be closer, but it's continued since she's gotten well."

"Well I see no problem with that, I'm sure nothing inappropriate has occurred."

"It has not...but it seems that is to change." There was a pause, _he might be a doctor but dammit he's stupid_, Charles thought. "I'm afraid I'm in a bit of role reversal here. Mrs. Hughes would like to engage in marital relations."

"Oh." Dr. Clarkson said.

"With me." Charles added.

"Yes, well I had assumed that much." Clarkson said, _well you've been obtuse about it thus far,_ Charles thought. "And you want my advice on how to do it?"

"No! I bloody well know how to do it and-"

"Is everything in working order then?" Dr. Clarkson asked, completely straight faced.

"That's none of your damn business."

"As your doctor it does actually fall under my jurisdiction." Clarkson said trying to hide a slight smile at Charles disgust.

"I'm completely fine what I want to be sure of is that Els-Mrs. Hughes is healthy enough."

"Well I don't see any reason why she wouldn't be, as long as she has no residual pain from her surgery site she should be fine."

"Thank you." Charles said not meaning it in the least.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mr. Carson, best of luck." Clarkson said leaving the room as giggles overtook him.

"I don't need luck you daft bugger," Charles said to the empty room_. I need a damn drink._

When Charles returned home he found a very nervous Elsie pacing the living room.

"Hello!" He said hanging up his coat and hat.

"What did Clarkson say?" She asked rushing over to him.

"Hm, not even a hello."

"Yes of course, hello Charles," silence. "Well what did he say, you daft man."

"He said we are both healthy enough for said...activities." He said, they both let out a sigh.

"And I've got something for you." He said reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a small black box.

"Charles," she said in a warning tone.

He opened the box to reveal a ring, of pure solid gold. It was plain but well-made and she could see the glowing pride in his face.

"I know you didn't want to marry before but if we are to do this I insist, it needn't be today but this week I intend to make you my wife."

They stood there in silence for a while as Elsie looked down at the ring, tears beginning to form in her eyes. Charles looked at her with the most tender loving smile.

"Oh Charles, I already told you once I won't marry you."

"What?" He said in shock.

"The answer is no, though you didn't even ask the question this time. Can't you just let this marriage idea of yours go!"

At this point she turned away and headed for the bedroom, she sat on the bed and held her head in her hands weeping softly.

After standing in the living room stunned for a few minutes he followed her, he had to know why. The real reason.

"Elsie stop crying right this minute!" He said in a voice more forceful then he had intended. She looked up at him, trying to stifle her sobs.

"Elsie I would like to know the reason you won't marry me. The real reason and it had better be a damn good one."

"When I was little I had an older aunt who didn't marry until she was fifty. Being a child I thought it was sweet, to find love so late. But all the people of the town said it was a hoax, a joke marriage, nothing more than two people who were afraid of dying alone. No one believed that they really could love each other, that they could find happiness so late in life. The ridicule got so bad they moved away and I never saw my aunt again. Charles, I love you, very, very much. And it would hurt me beyond belief if people thought of us that way, I mean can you imagine what people would say. 'Good old Charles Carson saying Elsie Hughes from dying an old maid.' I know how much you dislike being made fun of and frankly Charles that is exactly what would happen."

"The people of Downton village are good people." He said.

"Be that as it may, there will still be talk. And I couldn't stand that." She stood up and gently placed her hand on his cheek. "All that matters is us, whether you are my friend, my husband or my lover is unimportant none of it changes how I feel for you. How much I want you." She said stroking his cheek. He reached his hand up and covered her small one, he took her hand and pressed a soft kiss to it.

"Will you wear the ring at least? When we are home alone, no one need ever know." He asked his eyes full of hope and fear.

"Of course my man." She said, with that she took the box from his hand.

"I believe I'm supposed to do that he said." And he took the ring out of the box slipping it gently on her finger.

"With this ring I thee pledge my undying love." He said, the closest he would ever come to wedding vows he thought.

"Oh Charles" she said as she reached up and kissed him. What started as a sweet kiss to seal their love became decidedly unchaste very quickly. She grabbed the back of his head with both hands and pulled him closer to her. Suddenly their bodies were pressed together and she had no doubt that he was in good working order. After several minutes of passionate smooching she pulled away gently.

"I've got to finish dinner, we will both need our strength tonight."

Several hours late Charles sat in bed, leaning up against the headboard attempting, yet failing miserably, to read some of his book. His nerves raging inside him, would she enjoy it, would she ever let him touch her again, what if he left her completely unsatisfied, it has been such a long time lord only knew how long we would actually last once she was beneath him.

Tentatively Elsie entered the room, hesitating at the door. He didn't notice her at first, he seemed to be off in his own world.

"Hello Charles." She said.

Suddenly he noticed her, noticed that she was wearing the silk an lace nightgown Anna had bought. He quickly felt himself hardening as she walked towards the bed. The nightgown was perfect, it fit snuggly on her hips, outlining her perfect curves, the material cupped her breasts perfectly, though he couldn't help but notice a dip in her left breast, the outline of that damned tumor that had been cut from her body.

"Oh Elsie," he finally muttered "you look beautiful." He said, moving to get up. She quickly put her hand up to tell him to stay, she moved towards the bed and climbed under the covers next to him. Laying flat on her back she turned her head slightly to look at him.

"Charles, I have no experience you'll have to be patient with me." He moved down in the bed until they were face to face.

"Elsie, as big as a surprise this might be I'm no Casanova myself. I've only been with one woman before, several times mind you but just the one. I'm afraid I feel a bit like a nervous bridegroom."

There was a sweet silence as they gazed longingly into each others eyes. Then eventually, slowly Charles lowered his lips to hers. They began kissing, simple little kisses at first, then eventually she opened her lips slightly and his tongue darted in. Stroking and sucking, Charles thought he would die from the pleasure. As for Elsie she couldn't contain her excitement for this moment, the moment she had dreamed about her whole life. She began to clumsily undo the buttons of his shirt, when finally it was open she ran her fingers through the greying curls of his chest hair, she traced the circles of his nipples with her fingers, at this he was lost.

He rolled over until he was on top of her, his legs on either side of hers rubbing up against her thighs. Gently he began rubbing his hands up and down the sides of her body, while placing reverent kisses along her jaw line, behind her ear, and slowly down her chest. He kissed exposed flesh above her nightgown as he moved to pull her nightgown down lower she grabbed his hand.

"Please not tonight, let me keep it on tonight. Tomorrow, ill...ill take it off tomorrow just not tonight." She pleaded, he simply nodded and began to push the hem of the dress up her thighs. When he reached her hips, tracing the outline of her knickers, he looked down at her, placing several kisses on her lips between words. "These will have to go." She nodded, fear beginning to creep onto her face. She reached down, untied her knickers and after a bit of odd wiggling got them off. At this point Charles took the pajama shirt off completely then tentatively removed his pants and shorts. He moved in between her legs, gently parting her thighs, moving slowly, so terribly slowly, afraid to spook her.

The feeling of his member against her body sent a shiver down her back, she knew this man loved her, beyond any shadow of a doubt but this...this was proving to be a bit more then she could handle.

He reached down and ran his fingers gently through her folds. She was wet, she was ready for him and God help him he was unbearably hard for her.

"You're sure Elsie." He asked giving her one last chance

"Yes, Charles I love you and I want you."

With that he slowly pushed himself forward into her wet, sweet depths. She let out a pained cry and be froze, looked up at the grimace on her face.

"I'm sorry," he said kissing the side of her neck. "It will feel better soon."

With that he pulled himself out slightly, then pushed back into her. Focusing on a slow gentle rhythm he began to feel his control slipping. Burying his head in her neck he began to pick up the pace, she was making soft noises, mews of pleasure he thought. He lifted her leg slightly, bending the knee and she screamed out. He stopped and looked down at her, her eyes were wide and terrified. Her mews had been of pain not pleasure. He pulled back slightly and pushed into her again looking at her face, when he did it again slightly more forcefully she shut her eyes forcefully, shaking her head from side to side.

"Stop, stop please Charles stop. It hurts, it hurts so bad. Please stop!" With that she sat up, pushing him off her until he was flat on his back starring up at the ceiling. Disgust in his own actions began to overwhelm him and he got up from the bed and went to the bathroom locking himself inside, leaving her sitting on the bed head in hands weeping.

**A/N: Please don't kill me, it will get much better I promise. They just have to go through a bit of a rough patch. Sorry for the shameless appeals for reviews but they really do keep me writing.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So this chapter is a blatant set up for some M in the following chapter. See I promised things wouldn't be bad for long!**

Chapter 10

_What have I done!? _Charles thought, sitting on the side of the bathroom tub, his head in hands, completely naked, his heart breaking into two. _I pushed her too far, I knew it was a bad idea._ Suddenly his mind wen to Lucy. The only other woman he had ever…He wondered if she had enjoyed it, she always seemed to. In fact she seemed quiet eager most of the time, but then again wasn't that her role. They both needed each other, he needed physical release, a warm body beneath him and she needed money, she needed to survive in the world. At one time he thought it was love, he even went so far as to make her the sole beneficiary of his tiny purse. He'd changed that though once he met Elsie, once she became housekeeper and they became good friends. Lucy could survive in a cold world, Elsie would not.

He heard shuffling in the bedroom, then the door closed. He got up and tentatively walked into the bedroom. Completely empty, the blankets had been put back into place, his pajams sat on the foot of the bed. He sighed to himself, putting his clothes back on. He layed in the bed for a while just looking up at the ceiling, a few hours ago all he could think about was the warm, wonderful things this bed would experience with him. Now it seemed only to mock him, to mock his love and kindness. It called him an animal, selfish and cruel. Concerned with only his own needs and no one else's. The bed told him he couldn't please a woman, he never could, he never could have hoped to please Elsie. And now, he had left her in pain, unfilled, and soiled. He jumped up from the bed unable to face the harsh judgments that seemed to be spouting from the sheets, putting on his robe he went into the living room and sat down in his chair. Exhaustion must have finally overtaken him because he woke up the next morning to Elsie gently nudging his shoulder. Light poured in through the windows, illuminating the side of her face just right he mistook her at first for an angel.

"Charles, I've put your breakfast on the table." She said. As he looked closer he could see the redness around her eyes, clearly she'd been up all night crying.

He got up slowly, his body protesting to the movement. Sitting down at the breakfast table, a table they had shared so many wonderful meals at they now sat starring at their plates neither of them daring to say a word.

Finally Elsie spoke up unable to handle the silence any longer. "What time is your appointment with Dr. Clarkson?"

"Hm…Oh um two o'clock, but I think I'll go to the main house and telephone to cancel. I don't really feel like facing him today."

"You should go Charles, your health is important. Besides it wont take too much time out of your day." She countered, finishing her breakfast. Sipping the last of her tea, trying to decide if she wanted to retreat to her room or wait out the tension.

"Elsie, i…I'm not really sure what to say here. But, well I'd like you to come back and sleep in our bed. I promise I will never do anything like that again."

"It was a silly idea on my part." She said, looking down, her fingers fiddling with the table cloth nervously.

"No it wasn't silly, it was a perfectly reasonable request…and…well I'm sorry I failed you so." He said, his gaze focusing on her hands, such soft beautiful hands, last night they had been on his body. Making him forget himself completely, she had a power over him. In her arms he lost all rational thought and only thought of the sweetness and nearness of her body.

"Charles, you did not fail me. If anything I failed you. In fact, I'd…well I'd like to try again. It didn't hurt so bad, and really I think it was just a bit overwhelming."

"No Elsie, I cant, I wont do that to you again. I…I've never been so scared and so angry with myself before. I don't think I will ever be able to unsee your face in such pain. It breaks my heart to think I've hurt you and it would destroy if I ever caused you another second of pain. I'm sorry. Perhaps we can just enjoy what we have, we can cuddle and kiss and lay around in bed all day in each others arms but none of that…no more of that, please."

"Alright Charles, I understand." With that she got up and collected his now empty plate, taking them over to the sink. He followed behind her and after she had placed the dishes in the sink gently turned her in his arms.

"I love you Elsie."

"I love you too Charles." She said, leaning forward and placing her lips on his.

He should have just cancelled. He should have just walked to the village, had a drink at the Grantham Arms and walked home an hour later. Charles sat in the exam room in only his shorts, Dr. Clarkson was giving him a through going over, perhaps to punish him for the fact it had taken so long for him to come in anyways.

"Take a deep breath." He said putting his stethoscope to Charles chest.

"So Mr. Carson," the doctor said lowering his stethoscope and looking at him in the eyes again. "How did everything go, if you don't mind my asking."

Charles fought the anger bubbling in him, it was none of his damn business. Then realizing he was sitting in front of the man in just his shorts, he figured if he was going to discuss with problem with anybody Clarkson would be the one to do it with.

"Dr. Clarkson, it did not go well. Not at all. She said it was all very painful and asked me to stop."

"To stop?" Clarkson said, his voice slightly worried, "midway though."

"Yes." Charles looked at the ground for a moment, willing the world to explode at that very moment so this terrible conversation would be over for good.

"Are you alright?" Clarkson asked tentatively after a few moments of silence.

"Yes, I'm bloody fine. Its Elsie I'm concerned for."

"Ah well, it is not uncommon for women to experience pain the first time, even the first few times. It will pass eventually though. And besides," _dare he say it_ "You are a substantial man, that could prove to be any issue for a great deal of women."

"What are you implying Dr. Clarkson!?" Charles said, standing up, reaching for his clothes, ready to storm out in anger.

"No need to be offended old chap, but you are taller than most, of a sturdier build then most, my medical assumption would be that your measurements would be substantial in all regards and frankly that can prove difficult for some women, especially those with no previous…experience."

Charles was confused, it seemed as though he was being given a compliment but somehow it didn't feel like an appropriate thing any man should be saying to another.

"Mr. Carson there are…other ways to please a woman besides standard intercourse."

"Please don't use such language Dr. Clarkson!" Charles said, greatly disliking the way this conversation was going.

"Forgive me Mr. Carson, if you could stay here for just a moment there is something I'd like to get you."

Clarkson left the room without waiting for a reply, Charles paced the room nervously, now completely dressed and more than ready to leave. Finally Clarkson reentered holding a book, which he handed rather proudly to Mr. Carson.

"Mr. Carson this is a book that may help you. It chronicles quiet well the various methods adults can engage in for the benefit of both parties. You can ignore it if you'd like but it might help, depending on how dedicated you both are to the um…task at hand." Charles stood there speechless, book in hand. "Have a good day Mr. Carson."

Charles stood alone in the room looking down at the book. He hesitatingly opened it, flipping first to a page with a very graphic drawing he slammed the book closed again and sat down on the seat. After a few minutes, once his breathing was regulated, he opened it again. He flipped to a different page and saw another graphic drawing of a couple, whom Charles could only assume were very young and very, very flexible. That would never do for them. He kept looking flipping through to various pages, some of the activities were far out of their physical reach but some of them looked doable, and in fact possibly enjoyable. Finally he found something that would be perfect for him and Elsie, page 34. Yes page 34 might be enough to fulfill Elsie's desires without the previous pain he had wrought on her. He decided to go home, study page 34 in greater detail and then when the time was right surprise her. _Gods,_ _some days I wish I didn't love her so much,_ he thought gathering his hat, discreetly hiding the book under his arm and leaving.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry this update has taken longer then the past few, but alas I'd like to get it right. Also I do not have internet service at my house so there has been a lot of frantic typing while at work. Enjoy, and also a pitiful plea for reviews, they make my day!**

"So what did Dr. Clarkson say?" Elsie asked greeting Charles at the door with a peck on the cheek. She wanted to show him at every opportunity that she still loved him, that that awful night hadn't ruined everything they had become.

"When did you become such a fan of Dr. Clarkson and what he says?" He asked removing his coat and hat, leaning down to steal a kiss, hoping she wouldn't notice the book he had behind his back.

"Daft man." She said in between sweet kisses.

"He said I'm healthy as a horse, I'll probably live to a hundred." He said without thinking, immediately he regretted his words.

"Elsie I didn't-" he stumbled, putting his arms around her.

"It's alright Charles," she said wiggling out of his arms and heading towards the kitchen. "I wouldn't want you to follow me into the grave."

"There is no where I wouldn't follow you Elsie."

She smiled at that and walked past him and gathered her coat.

"I'm going over to the main house, Mrs. Patmore is going to teach me a few new recipes. Would you like to come?"

"I can't I'm afraid, I've got some reading to do." He said trying to hide his smirk.

"So be it, I will be back before dinner. With any luck I can convince Mrs. Patmore to spare some of theirs. Her cooking certainly out shines mine."

"She couldn't out shine you if she tried." He said making his way over to his chair, completely unaware of how sweet his words were.

"You sentimental old man!" She said as she walked out of the house.

Later that night they sat in bed, both reading their respective books. Elsie this time had donned her old nightgown, the new one leaving a sour taste in her mouth.

She'd successfully convinced the cook to send her home with two full plates of food, having unsuccessfully tried to make several new dishes, there were few things Elsie Hughes could not master, but it seemed cooking would remain beyond her reach.

Occasionally Elsie would glance over at Charles who would wiggle uncomfortably every time he felt her eyes on him. By the seventh time he'd had enough.

"Is there something wrong with the side of my face Elsie?"

"No of course not." She said, returning her eyes to her book.

"Then why are you so preoccupied with it?"

"It's not that Charles it's just...I know you don't want to but I would very much like to try again." She said sheepishly, still avoiding eye contact.

"Elsie, I said no and I mean no. I won't hurt you like that again but..." it was his turn to stare down at the page of his book.

"But what Charles?" she said, finally having the courage to look at him.

"There are many ways for a man to show his affection that do not involve the complete act." With that he looked up into her crystal blue eyes, hoping perhaps she would understand without the need for more details.

"I see."

"Do you?"

"Well not really if I'm honest but I'm curious."

With that he leaned over and pushed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss.

Slow and steady he thought to himself, and after several minutes of passionate kissing his hands moved to her breasts. His left hand was laying softly on the altered breast, allowing just the warmth of it to stimulate her, the right hand however was alive with excitement. He palmed the breast, gently toying with the hardened peek, messaging it gently until she began wiggling under him, a fire between her legs lit, one she desperately wanted his help to put out.

He began to kiss his way down her jaw, to her neck and the small amount of skin the nightgown exposed. He gently pulled the nightgown down just slightly so the tiniest bit more of skin was available to him.

"Off," she said between trembling breaths "take it off."

He looked up into her eyes, she nodded just slightly and pressed her hand against his face. With that he pulled the gown over her head exposing her beautiful body to him for the first time.

He pulled back to look at her, the soft, creamy skin, the firm, full breasts.

"Charles." She said in a warning tone and he resumed his kisses. He kissed her right breast with all the passion he had within him, sucking and licking and biting gently, savoring the taste of this woman. This goddess beneath him. Then his kisses continued down her body. Before she knew it he was just above her navel, his fingers at the top of her knickers gently pulling them off.

"Charles?" She asked, concern and fear creeping across her face.

"Trust me Elsie, this won't hurt at all. This will be wonderful."

She leaned back and closed her eyes tightly as he removed her knickers ever so gently. When she was fully unclothed beneath him he gently parted her legs, letting his hand sweep across her entrance. She moaned, her head still back, her eyes shut.

Smiling to himself he leaned forward, moved his fingers to open her slightly and tasted her.

Her eyes flew open, she sat up in bed, her eyes wide looking directly into his. He took a firm hold of her thighs and moved his mouth back to her center, never breaking eye contact. As he began to lick at her nub, the most sensitive part of her whole body, he noticed her eyes fighting to stay open. Her hands reached for his arms, holding firmly onto his biceps, nails digging into his flesh. After a few moments she let the pleasure overtake her and fell back on the bed, eyes closed, she began moaning in pleasure under his attentions. Charles couldn't help the smile spread across his face, not only was he tasting the most delicious ambrosia in the history of the universe, he had the woman he loved underneath him squirming with pleasure.

He removed one of his arms from around her thighs and moved his hand towards her center. Slowly he pressed one finger inside of her, immediately her hand went to the back of his head, tangling in his hair. "Oh God Charles!" she said, this sensation wonderful, the most delicious stretching, a perfect friction taking her higher and higher to unknown planes of ecstasy. He hooked his finger slightly and began moving it in a slow rhythm, matching his pace with the flicks of his tongue. Nothing would ever taste better, of that he was sure.

He could tell her pleasure was building, her back began to arch, her hips began rolling of their own accord, he had to hold on tightly to keep from losing contact, though he doubted he could have gone far with her hand pressed so firmly to his head.

"Charles…Oh God Charles…Yes…yes! Please! YES!" she screamed as her body shuddered and she fell limp into the mattress. Slowly he removed his fingers, watching the rise and fall of her beautiful chest as she began to come down from her high. He lapped up her juices, savoring the tangy sweet taste of her. Slowly he moved back up her body and placed a gentle kiss on her mouth.

"Oh Charles…" she muttered, completely spent.

"You lay here, I will be back in a moment." He said, getting up and heading towards the bathroom. Once he was inside he looked at his reflection in the mirror, this was not the face of a man who couldn't please a woman, this was the face of a hero, of a lover, of a true man. But Charles knew himself, he had needs, they couldn't be denied. In fact reading that book he had learned the dangers of men suppressing their urges, with that thought in mind he reached into his shorts and took hold of himself. After a few minutes he was spent, and as his own pleasure began to dissipate he came back into the room.

"Where did you go?" Elsie asked, lazily, barely able to turn her head.

"Ah, never you mind about that. Now what do you say we snuggle for a bit?" He asked, climbing into the bed beside her.

"I would love to Charles, but I can't seem to move my arms, or my legs, or really any part of my body." She said with a giggle.

He reached over and pulled her limp body to his, placing her arm across his chest and moving his under her head. After pressing several sweet kisses into her hair, he heard her soft snores begin. Eventually he let himself be lulled into peaceful slumber, thoroughly convinced he had just experienced the greatest moment of his life.

The next morning they awoke in each other's arms, looking lovingly up at Charles, Elsie was at a complete loss for words.

Sensing her dilemma he solved the problem for her, "I think the phrase you are looking for my dear is, I love you." He said with a smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I do Charles, I love you very much. But…well…" she couldn't help but hesitate, knowing it was a sore subject between them, "what about you?"

"What about me?" he asked confused.

"I'm not a woman of the world Charles, but I do understand that men have needs. I certainly didn't fulfill any of them last night." She said, looking ashamedly down at the bedding, she's been so distracted by her own pleasure she'd forgotten about his.

"What would make you say that?"

"Last night was wonderful, I've never felt so wonderful but, well…did you get any pleasure from it?"

"Oh woman, more then you will know. You cant even begin to imagine how much I enjoyed last night. To start with you have the most wonderful taste, no wine, no matter how perfect could ever compare, the look on your face the moment you…well…_that _moment I've never felt happier or, to be vain, prouder. Yes the usual way can be very…pleasurable for a man, but the most wonderful experience is knowing he has completely and totally satisfied his partner. Don't you worry about me, to be a bit cheesy, I'm happy when your happy."

She crawled up his body slightly and placed her lips on his. "Oh and I am very happy my man."

They spent several minutes smooching sweetly.

"We should get up my dear, I'm rather hungry." He said beginning to get up.

"Yes I suppose so, could you hand me my nightgown Charles?" she asked, pulling the sheet up to cover her chest.

He walked over to the place on the floor where he had thrown the nightgown, an evil smile crawling across his face.

"If you want is Elsie, you'll have to come get it." And with that he dashed out of the room. She hesitated for a moment in the bed, unsure what to do, then finally she threw off the sheet and walked out of her bedroom, their bedroom, as naked as the day she was born.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So a short chapter but hopefully you all will enjoy. I should clarify, I have a job that involves working late nights and sometimes its crazy busy and sometimes it is slower then a snail, hence updates all over the board. This chapter is very…give me an M, give me an A, give me a T, give me a U, give me a R, give me an E, give me a review…**

A few weeks had passed since their first night together in the new fashion. The days were the same as always, nice meals together, her reading or sewing. She'd forgotten about the material she had purchased to make herself some new clothes, when she finally discovered it in the back of the closet she revolved to make something for him as well. She'd purchased a large amount of mauve, planning on make a dress out of it. As she looked at the fabric, she realized that if she simply made a skirt instead she would have enough to make him a shirt. _Perhaps,_ she thought, _matching outfits would be a bit strange._ But she knew he would appreciate the gesture. With the pale blue she'd purchased she decided to make a nice shirt and make him a tie from the leftover material. It didn't take her long to finish the skirt and dress but she found herself only able to work on his surprise while he was away from the cottage which was becoming a much rarer occurrence these days.

He filled his day the usual way, gardening, reading and occasionally going to the big house to help Thomas with the wine orders, the man really did not know a merlot from a cabernet sauvignon.

While the days were tame, filled with occasional sweet kisses the nights were decidedly less so. Most every night he climbed on top of her, kissing most every inch of skin, tasting her folds, bringing her to release, sometimes even twice if he was feeling particularly randy. Then every night as she lay breathing heavily into the bed sheets he would slip into the bathroom for five or ten minutes then return to snuggle. Every night she told herself she needed to ask what he was doing but every night when he came back and pressed his warm, sweaty body against hers she lost all train of thought and by the time morning came she'd lost her nerve.

Everything was quite peaceful for the two of them, and yet the calendar loomed over their heads. They both knew the six month mark was coming, and fast. Dr. Clarkson had said anywhere from six months to a year but Charles had seen cancer before, he knew it could become a slow and painful run up to the end. If they only had six months or less together what was the chance they would be good months. Not that he would abandon her, oh no he could never think of doing that he thought as he sat in his chair, watching her cleaning out the fireplace (he'd offered to do it himself but she would have none of it.)

"Elsie?" He said. she turned and looked at him over her shoulder.

"Hm." She said as she turned and looked at him over her shoulder.

"I noticed you had on your list you'd like to go visit your sister's grave in Scotland. Perhaps we should plan that soon."

"We don't have to do that Charles, that was...well that was just a silly sentimental thing."

"It's on the list Elsie, once it's on the list it must be done." He said with a smile.

"I was thinking we could head down this Tuesday, stay for a few days and return Friday?"

Turning to face him fully. "That would be lovely Charles."

"Do you have any family there you'd like to telegraph and let know we're coming?" He said, setting his book on the table beside his chair, the sweat on her fact and tousled hair putting ideas in his head.

"No they're all gone. I'll start packing tonight." She flashed a beaming smile at him and turned back to her scrubbing. A moment later she heard a groan and looked back at himr. The devilish eyes she was used to seeing at night were now squarely on her.

"Charles?" She asked confused.

"Come here love." He said scooting forward in the chair, his legs together, inviting her to sit on his lap.

She got up tentatively, having to use her hands to help her move. Walking towards him she hesitated for a moment then Charles grabbed her waist and pulled her onto his lap.

"Charles!" She yelled, giving herself over to the sweetness of his lips. Quickly identifying that this was not a kiss of reaffirming love but one of lust and passion.

After a moment of kissing he turned her in his lap so her back was pressed against his chest.

"Undo your blouse." He whispered in her ear, placing kisses along her neck. He moved his hands to her legs and he hooked them with his own legs and pulled them apart. He slowly, tortuously began pulling her skirts up.

She began trembling when she realized her skirts were bunches up around her waist. Suddenly his hand was in her knickers, gently, so gently, perhaps even too gently he pushed two fingers into her. He began to methodically move them within her, still kissing her neck. His free hand came up to her stomach and after holding her there initially, least she try to escape. Eventually it moved its way up and cupped her breast through her brassier, a wonderful new invention he thought.

As she lay against him, the feelings in her core spreading throughout her body she felt something unusual pressed against her bottom. It took her a moment to figure out that it was him, and he wanted her, badly. She pushed her bottom more firmly against him and he groaned aloud. When she began rolling her hips against him, she felt his mouth leave her neck and his head fall back.

"Oh God Elsie!" He cried. Even through the layers of clothes her body felt better against him then his hand ever could.

As she increased the power of her movements his hand sped up. She reached behind her, putting her hand into his hair, pulling his face as close to hers as she possibly could, pressing her mouth to his whenever she could, they were hardly kisses but it was all she could muster. Then both of them began moaning uncontrollably, whispering each other's names, begging each other for sweet release. Finally he gripped her body tighter to him then she's ever experienced, he thrust himself up against her bottom, "God yes! Elsie, I love you! Yes!" He screamed. He cries of pleasure pushed her over the edge, holding tightly onto his arms she yelled his name, her own affirmations of love and collapsed against him in a satisfied heap.

It took them almost fifteen minutes to regulate their breaths and rediscover the power of speech.

"Oh Charles, that was… Oh Charles!"

"Good God Elsie." He said into her hair, the shame of what he had done coming over him. Not only had he taken her midday away from the cloak of darkness, but he had allowed himself to lose control.

"Charles I have never felt so wonderful in my life." She turned in his lap to look in his eyes and felt the wetness of his pants. "And it seems you got some pleasure from it as well."

"Yes well, I swear that was completely unintentional. I'm sorry."

She pressed her lips to his. "Don't you dare apologize, it isn't fair I'm the only one to enjoy these things. It pleases me more than you can imagine to know you feel and wonderful as I do right now."

"Yes… well um… I think I'd best take a shower." He said, looking terribly embarrassed, never having been one to enjoy making a mess.

"Yes I suppose you should. And it seems I have some laundry to do." With that she got up from his lap letting him stand, she put her arms around him in a loving hug. He kissed her hair gently, so grateful for this afternoon. Even if that was to be all he could have, it was more than enough.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So I'd like to point out that I re-wrote chapter 1 completely, so if you haven't read the latest version of that you should, because frankly its significantly better than the first one (which I'll be honest wasn't that great). Hope you enjoy this chapter, more M on the horizon, but I figured I ought to start ticking things off the list. Insert shameless plea for reviews here, which in turn will prompt me to update faster!**

Elsie sat at the vanity in their bedroom starring at her jewelry box with a very confused look upon her face. They were going to Scotland, home to Argyll, it was highly unlikely they would run into anyone they knew, so why not wear her ring?

But they'd be leaving from Downton, she knew everyone there. She couldn't decide what to do, wearing the ring would make him so happy. She saw the way his eyes lit up every time he caught a glint of it in the sun. She reached up and rubbed her tired neck. Gently caressing the chain of her cross she had an idea. With deft fingers she slipped the necklace off and replaced the cross at the end with her golden band. She would be with God soon enough, right now she wanted to be with Charles.

"Elsie, it's time to go." He called from the living room.

She got up and joined him, ready to leave Downton for the first time in fifteen years.

The train ride was a fast one, at least it felt so to Elsie who had fallen asleep with her head on Charles shoulder half an hour into the journey.

Charles, for himself was delighted that no one joined them in their cabin, he put his arm around Elsie, letting the hand snake down every once and a while to caress her breast. God if they'd started this twenty years ago he'd never have gotten any work done, given the choice between work and worshiping the body of this creature all day and night the choice was simple.

"Elsie, were almost there. You need to wake up." He said gently rubbing her arm, trying to wake her as gently as possible.

"Mmm" she said, thinking for a moment they were at home in bed. She raised her hand from her lap and caressed his belly as she leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Good morning love." She said softly, nuzzling into his neck.

"I'm afraid it's only mid-day love." He said laughing to himself. "We're in Scotland. Only a few minutes from the station."

Her eyes blinked wide away then, sitting up completely she moved away from him, looking around to make sure they were alone. She patted her hair, fixing the stray strands as she went. She looked down at her blouse and noticed that several of her buttons were undone. She looked over at him and cocked her eye brow.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "too much temptation." He looked down at the floor, a little embarrassed to be caught out like that.

"Its fine my man," She said leaning over and kissing his lips sweetly. "I only wish I'd been awake…Tonight maybe!" She said giving him a wink and getting up to retrieve her coat.

As the exited the train station Elsie looked around, wondering if she would recognize anything. As she scanned the horizon it was all the same, the exact same, it seemed as if thirty years hadn't changed this place on bit. A pang in her stomach began, she was regretting this idea, terribly. Suddenly she wasn't sure she was ready to face all this, this place, these people, her memories.

"Recognize anything?" He said, looking down at her, stupid smile on his face.

"Yes, it's the exact same." She couldn't contain the aw in her voice.

"That's Scotland for you." He said quickly as he started to move off the platform. "I was thinking we could find an inn, get ourselves a room, have a bite to eat, wander around the town perhaps. Retire early and head out to the cemetery tomorrow."

"One room?" She said stopped.

"Yes of course-" then it hit him, they weren't married. Not really, not in any legal sense. It wouldn't be right to share a room here, especially if they weren't. "Oh right. Um…well two rooms then. I'm sorry, it rather slipped my mind."

"its fine," she said, slipping the necklace off her neck and taking hold of her ring, she quickly slipped it onto her ring finger and returned the now empty necklace to its previous resting place. "No one need know. Besides, I doubt I could sleep in a bed by myself if I tried."

He smiled gratefully at her, and he was fairly certain had he not been in the middle of the street in full view of everyone he would have grabbed her about the waist and kissed her senseless.

"Charles, let's go visit the grave first. I…I know it's a bit odd…with our bags and all but, well I should have been here a long time ago to do this. I really don't want to waste any more time."

"Of course, there's a flower vender over there, should we get some to put on her grave?"

"Let's get a few." She said, looking over at the colorful chart, how sad they were going to go take such bright beautiful things to the graveyard.

After Charles had purchased several bunches of flowers they began walking towards the graveyard, which was just slightly out of town. It didn't take her long to realize that they really ought to have found an inn first and deposited their bags but her mind was set, and thus her course was as well. When they finally reached the graveyard Elsie knew exactly where to go, which confused Charles slightly as her sister had only died ten years ago, yet it had been over twenty since she'd been in Argyll. _How the devil does she know where the grave is?_ He thought to himself, but none the less he followed behind her, carrying both of their bags, having traded her a bag for the flowers, saying men looked rather silly carrying flowers around.

Tears silently began to stream down her face as she walked slowly toward the family plot, the one piece of earth that contained her loved ones, her flesh and blood, now no more than dust and bone. Soon, too soon, she would be a part of them.

"This is my mother's grave." She said, bending over and placing the biggest bouquet on it.

"Celia Owens Hughes, beloved wife and mother." Charles said, reading the plaque over her shoulder.

"This is my baby sister, Margaret." She said, looking to the grave just to the right of it, placing the most colorful bouquet on it.

"She was only three!" Charles said, a bit of alarm in his voice.

"Yes, she…well she got sick. She and Ma were very sick, Pa came home, saw them lying in bed shaking with a fever of some sort." Her voice faltered.

"Elsie, you don't have to tell me. Not if you don't want to."

"No, really its fine Charles. Pa got mad that they'd been in bed all day and there was no supper waiting for him so…well, he set the house on fire. They couldn't get out of bed, they could hardly move. It was Celia, my older sister, who grabbed me and we ran. Ran to the neighbors, by the time they got there the house was almost gone. Pa was just standing out in front of it. Perhaps the drink was wearing off that point, perhaps he started to understand what he'd done. Oh well, it didn't really matter, they tried him and within a week he'd been hung."

"Ah, that explains why he's not here." Charles said, putting his arm around Elsie, rubbing her back gently.

"Yes, well we rather thought it would be inappropriate to bury a murderer next to his victims." There was a long pause, finally Elsie stepped towards the third grave and place the last bunch of flowers on it, the last but certainly the prettiest. "Celia and I were bounced around from family to family. She always stuck with me, didn't leave my side until I'd gotten my first job as a housemaid. She was my best friend and the only family I had in the world."

"You've got me Elsie, I know it's not the same but I'm here, and I always will be."

"Thank you Charles" she said, turning to look at him. Her hand came up to caress his cheek, when she'd heard her sister had died, she'd felt so alone in the world, she never thought she could feel worse, then when she was told she was dying she felt even worse, she'd wanted to give up completely. But this man, this wonderful, sweet, loving man, who would bend is giant body backwards to care for her and please her had suddenly pushed his way into her life, into her heart. He truly was worth fighting for, worth living for. As she looked around she realized she'd made a huge mistake. She was alive, happily, wonderfully she was alive, so why was she here? Why had she taken herself out of the happy, human world and brought herself to a place of death. There was nothing of the people she loved here, it was their bones, nothing more. Their souls were somewhere else. If she wanted to honor their memory she ought to be living, to be enjoying every moment she had, to be at home loving this wonderful man, strolling through the woods, swimming in the ocean, walking the streets of London. She needed to be among the living, more importantly she needed to be out of Scotland.

"Charles, take me home." She said looking up at him, staunching the tears.

"What!? We've just gotten here woman!" He said, suddenly growing very annoyed with her.

"I know, and I love you so much for bringing me but…well, I've realized something, something I cant explain but I need to be out of here."

"Well perhaps we can go to Glasgow? Would you like that?" He asked, not really wanting to get on train again so soon, his butt had only recently begun to feel sensations again.

"No, I need to be out of Scotland. Scotland isn't my home anymore, it only holds painful memories and bones of people long since gone. I want to go home."

"Alright, I wont say I understand, but I'll indulge you, like any stupid man in love would."

With that they turned and began walking back towards the train station. As they were walking closer Charles squinted at the train station board, _Oh damn and blast!_ He thought, the train at the station was a train to York, the last train to York for three days.

"Charles, tell me that isn't our train?"

"I'm afraid it is, Elsie when was the last time you ran?" He said, picking up his pace, grabbing her suitcase from her hand.

"You were there Charles, the last time I ran, it didn't end well if you recall." She said, matching his pace, she was almost at a trot at this point, working her way up to a full run.

"Oh I wouldn't say that woman." He said with a smile on his face, breaking into a run, letting his long legs make giant strides towards the ticket gate.

She pulled at her purse as she ran, trying to pull the money out for the fare, hoping perhaps to shave off a few seconds. She knew as well as he did that if they weren't on that train, there would be no getting out of Argyll anytime soon. Elsie soon ran past him towards the ticket counter, though he had significanetly longer legs, she had less weight, not only on her body but in her hands as well, their two suitcases slowing him down greatly.

"Two tickets to York please!" She said, breathing heavily, pleading with the cashier, "We really must be on this train."

The cashier handed her the tickets without a second look and by the time Charles came along side Elsie she grabbed her bag, handed him his ticket and they were aboard.

Choosing to sit in the back of the crowded car, hoping for a little bit of privacy, Elsie put her arms around Charles midsection.

"I suppose the last time I went running it did in the end it did have a pleasant result. Care for a repeat?" She said, looking up at him winking.

"Someone could see Elsie." He said, looking around, noticing most of the patrons were either fast asleep or completely unconcerned with anyone else on the train.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." She said, reaching up and pulling his lips to hers.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

When they finally returned home Charles couldn't wait to get inside the door. The doors and walls of their little cottage would prevent any unwanted eyes from seeing them. Since her kisses on the train Charles had felt a slow burn in his loins, now that they were home, alone perhaps he could ease it a bit. As she walked through the door taking off her coat and hat, just relieved to be home she didn't notice the look on Charles face, by the time she saw it, it was too late. She was pulled up tight to his chest, his lips were on every inch of skin he could get to. Slowly he began to walk them backwards as they kissed passionately. Briefly she realized they were heading in the direction of the kitchen, not the bedroom.

"Charles?" she asked questioningly as he undid the last button of her dress and let it fall to the floor.

"Hmm?" he murmured, undoing the laces of her corset with frightening speed.

"The bedroom Charles…"she said, beginning to give in to his powerful kisses and touches. Suddenly felt her knickers sliding down her legs, _devilish man! How does he do that without my noticing!_ She thought.

"No time!" He said and with that he lifted her onto the kitchen table.

"Charles!" She yelped, this being a new and strange experience, though not together unpleasant.

Pushing her to lay back on the table, he kneeled down onto the floor, hoping she couldn't hear the clicking of his knees as he did so. His deft fingers, so used to polishing endless amounts of silverware began tracing the outlines of her folds, with great skill two fingers began entering and withdrawing from her, hooking just right to give her as much pleasure as possible. Soon his tongue joined the fray, flicking over her swollen nub, working hard to bring her to release.

"Charles," she said, almost in a whisper, fighting against the glorious sensations he was creating in her body.

"Hm," he grumbled, never removing his mouth from her.

"Charles, I want to feel you, Oh!" he'd hit a particularly sensitive spot! "I want to touch you, Oh Gods…Yes…Charles…mmm…please, I need to touch you." She mumbled, squirming under him, wanting desperately to feel him, more of him, any of him. He was so far removed from her body, just the smallest amount, she wanted his broad from above her, his muscles under her hands, all she could reach here was the top of his head, and while she loved the attentions he was paying her it wasn't enough, this type of lovemaking wasn't enough.

"God woman, I'm busy!" he shouted removing his lips from her for just a moment before they moved back resuming their assault on her flesh.

She stood up at this and pushed his head away from her, he moved back, stunned slightly, his fingers still deep inside her, encased in her glorious moisture.

"Charles Carson!" She said, angry beginning to take the place of the ectasy she'd been feeling.

"Elsie, I…I only want to please you." He said, removing his fingers from her, sitting back on his heels.

"Did it never occur to you, Mr. Carson, that I might enjoy pleasing you? That day on the chair was probably the best…well the best I've experienced. Why wont you let me please you?" she said, tears welling up in her eyes, did he think her so unskilled that she would disappoint him. She was, unskilled of course, but she could learn, he could teach her.

"Damnit Elsie." He said, getting up slowly, his knees buckling. He walked to the bedroom and closed the door behind him, locking it with a click.

She sat on the kitchen table completely bewildered. He'd always accused her of being the irrational one, and yet his behavior made no sense to her. He wanted her, she could tell, most every morning she felt his member hard against her bottom. The few times she'd tried to reach for it he'd stopped her, told her he didn't want that, then he'd proceed to pleasure her as he'd been doing. Most anytime she'd mentioned pleasing him he'd gotten annoyed and walked away, she'd resigned herself to their arrangement. But now, she wanted more.

Dinner came and went without a word said between them. Bedtime proved to be just as chilly, they'd laid beside each other, careful not to touch, neither one of them daring to break the awkward silence that had grown between them since the moment on the kitchen table.

The next few days passed in similar fashion, they exchanged courteous words, good mornings and so forth, even the occasional peck on the cheek as one left the cottage for the day. By the third day she was ready to go insane, he'd headed to the main house for what would most likely be the whole day, Mr. Barrow had made some major faux pas in the wine ordering and Charles needed to fix it, and fast.

As Elsie moved about the bedroom cleaning it she noticed his nightstand drawer open slightly, she pushed it close without thinking, then she wondered. She'd seen him put a book in there very quickly several times she'd entered the bedroom unexpectedly. Cautiously she pulled the drawer open completely. Inside was a small book, with a plain brown cover, no title or author was on it. Perhaps it was his journal, she thought, if it was she had no right opening it.

Though, if it was his journal perhaps it would shed some insight into why he'd been so hesitate to let her touch him. She opened it slowly, expecting to find his small, neat handwriting, instead all she found were drawings. Her eyes widened in shock, these were drawings of men and women, doing very adult things, things involving a great deal of flexibility and strength. Below each drawing was a little description, offering some helpful tips to the interested party. As she flipped through the book she caught sight of a few things she recognized, page 34, she'd grown to be a fan of page 34. It also seemed Mr. Carson had taken it upon himself to become a master of page 12 as well. As she scanned through the book she found two pages that interested her greatly, page 18 and page 38. But how on earth would she convince him to let her try any of these, he certainly could be sober. And with that she hit on a plan. One of her list items, get completely drunk. That would do it, as she closed the book and placed it back in his drawer (giving it one more flip through to make sure she hadn't missed anything.) She got up and headed for the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine and a glass she decided tonight would be the night. Win or bust something was about to give, and she hoped it would be his pants.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Short chapter, but hopefully one you all will enjoy. More updates coming soon, reviews very much appreciated!**

Chapter 15

When Charles got home that evening he'd expected to find dinner waiting for him, and a chilly former housekeeper. Imagine his surprise to find no food waiting for him and an intoxicated, half naked former housekeeper on the floor, rocking herself happily in his chair, a half open bottle of wine in her hands.

"Elsie, is everything alright?" He asked, taking off his hat and coat, walking towards her slowly, she gave the appearance of a frightened doe before she released it was him.

"Yes…just fine, I um…decided to tackle on of the list items by myself. Get completely and horribly bloody drunk!"

"You've only had half a bottle, love." He said laughing to himself.

She stumbled up from the chair, heading towards him. "My dearest Charles, if you look towards the kitchen, you might notice a completely empty bottle."

He turned his head to the kitchen and saw the completely empty bottle tipped over on the table. Before he could turn around again her arms were around his waist and her face was pressed into his chest.

"Please tell me you didn't drink that whole bottle? That's the horrible stuff that Mr. Barrow bought us."

"It was yummy by the third glass!" she said looking up at him. Their eyes met, hers became clouded with lust as his gleamed a sweet smile at her, like a father who has caught a child in some form of mischief. Holding onto him with one arm, she let her other snake down to his trousers, gently placing her hand on the bulge that had developed there.

"Charles, I've been waiting for you."

"Elsie," he said with a warning tone, "perhaps we ought to get you to bed." He said, trying to remove her arm from his waist, only to find it wouldn't budge.

"Now, originally that is what I was thinking Charles, but you've done so much for me I'd really like to _please_ you for a change." With that she slipped her hand inside the waistband of his trousers, quickly grasping hold of his large, firm member.

"Elsie, please don't." he said, trying to pull away but finding his body unwilling to move from her grasp.

"But why not Charles, doesn't this feel good," she said, smiling up at him like a cheshire cat, "I cant tell you like it, at least, part of you does." She said with a wink.

"Elsie, you are intoxicated, this isn't right." He said, his body now actively trying to pull away from her, but no matter how much he tried to pull away she pushed forward again, until he found himself pressed up against the living room wall.

"I found your book Charles, the one in the night stand. Very interesting book, I'd like to try some of those things." She paused, "With you Charles, all of them with you."

"Elsie, you need to sleep this off, we can discuss the book later." He said finally able to push her away, holding her at arms distance he noticed that the cloudiness in her eyes had gone.

"I'm not drunk Charles," she said, giving him a firm, sober look. He let go of her arms. "I poured out that bottle of wine, it was awful. But I knew you wouldn't let me touch you if I was sober. I want this Charles," she said, stepping forward undoing his belt and unzipping his fly, all the while Charles stood there with his mouth open, watching her every move. "Please don't deny me Charles. Not anymore."

"Elsie, I cant. I'm sorry." He said, as she grabbed his member pulling it free from his pants.

"Yes you can Charles." She said, leaning down, rubbing his stiff member. Looking up at him, she say his eyes roll into the back of his head. She placed a sweet kiss on the top of his hard length.

"Elsie, please." He said, his head rolling from side to side, wanting to fight her yet wanting to give in so badly.

"That book had a lot of great suggestions." She said, taking him completely in her mouth. Allowing the warmth of her mouth to pleasure his member, _Gods, this woman!_ He thought. Looking down he saw her head bobbing up and down, taking him in, egging him on, pushing him towards sweet relief. It didn't take him long, he'd felt ready to lose himself the first moment she touched him but this, this was too much.

"Gods, Elsie, I cant…please…I cant!" He said, grabbed her head pulling her away from him, turning quickly and spilling himself on the wall. He rested his head against the wall, fighting the ecstasy his body was feeling and the shame he was feeling. Elsie stood up, wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her forehead against his still heaving back.

"Charles, I love you. Very, very much. I know…this isn't really what you wanted. But I want to please you, I need to please you. I need to show you my love, not simply take all of yours."

He tucked himself back into his pants before turning around to face her.

"Oh Elsie, I-"

"Tell me why Charles, tell me why you simply wont just let me love you physically." She said, looking sadly up into his face. She'd just done the most wanton, outrageous thing she'd ever done in her entire life, she ought to feel proud of herself. Instead she felt a deep sadness, this man she loved so much. This man who she wanted so badly, somehow they couldn't translate the love they felt for each other into physical loving embraces, and she needed to know why. It would kill her if she didn't.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: So this is my third update today. Going a little update crazy, keep those reviews coming! They really do give me juice to keep going! Enjoy!**

Chapter 16

After a pause, Charles reached out and took hold of Elsie's hand.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation." He said, looking down at the ground, this was going to be humiliating, but he loved her and he needed to tell her. He gently led her over to the settee, sitting her down next to him, still holding her hand tightly.

She reached her other hand for his, letting them rest between them, their fingers entwining.

"Elsie, this is rather embarrassing to admit but I've only known one other woman before you…well, physically that is. You see it was when I was first footman, myself and a few of the other boys were in London for the season and we'd all had the night off. We decided to go find some, well, fun. We were young, not bad looking, had some money in our pockets, London was an easy spot to find a good time. We went to a pub, and frankly I wasn't terribly comfortable with the whole idea but I went anyways. While I was there a woman approached me, her name was Lucy and she told me that, well if I was keen so was she." He paused here, fighting back the memory. At the time it had been wonderful, but now, looking back it had been all wrong.

"She took me back to her flat and well, it was fun. It was jolly good fun, and when I left I gave her some money. She told me before I left that I could come back and visit her anytime. So that's what I did. I went back three more times before the season was over. And well…"

"How long have you been seeing her? Do you still see her Charles?" Elsie said, starting to get very upset.

"No, Elsie, I don't…not anymore. She died, about ten years ago. I did see her, up until that point. Every season I would go, and well…I'd spend a few nights with her every season, give her some money."

"So she was a prostitute?" Elsie said, matter of factly.

"I'm not particularly fond of that label, she was a friend, who needed something from me and I needed something from her. For a while I thought I was in love with her, but eventually my child's heart realized the truth and we continued our liaison."

"I understand, though I'm not quiet sure how our current problem is related." She said.

"Well you see, I…um…well I always thought I pleased her. I thought of myself a bit as, well, a good lover. Frankly I thought I was quiet skilled, until…"

"Ah," she said understanding suddenly.

"I never lost control with Lucy, I could slow myself down, I could make it last for hours, I could bring her pleasure, at least I thought I did. But then with you, well…it just didn't make sense Elsie. How is it that I could please a woman I didn't love, but couldn't please the woman I loved. Then, well I began to think that perhaps I had never pleasured her at all. We danced a dance the two of us, we both acted our parts, what if she acted hers a little better then I thought? Suddenly everything I thought about myself, as a man that is, was undermined. Then looking at that book I realized how little I actually knew about the act itself. Suddenly the fear that I would disappoint you overcame me. Elsie, I'm not very experienced, and the little experience I do have I don't trust. When I hurt you, well, it broke my heart. I resolved myself to not hurt you again, and this…this way we have is all I can find to do that."

"Charles, my sweet man," she said stroking the side of his face. "I've heard the pain goes away after a few times, and I think it would be worth it to try."

"But Elsie, what if when the pain went away I still couldn't please you. My manhood is hanging on by a thread here, and frankly, well that would push me over the edge."

"Charles, I can guarantee you that you would please me. You please me just kissing me, and frankly letting me touch you, well that was very pleasing for me. Besides, I think that book would have plenty of suggestions."

He chuckled at that, "I suppose you are right." He raised the hand still in his up to his lips and kissed it gently.

"So then, can we Charles? The real way?" She said, looking at him with the most hopeful eyes he'd ever seen.

"How can I say no to you?" He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. "But tomorrow night perhaps, I'm afraid…well I'm out of commission tonight."

"I don't understand," she said, giving him a confused look.

"Well my dear, you see it takes a bit of time for a man to recover, and frankly the older you get the longer it can take. I'm afraid tonight will just be cuddling."

At that she curled into his arms, resting her head on his chest. "Well that would work for me. Until tomorrow night!" With that she closed her eyes, "Charles, I'll have to make a trip to Ripon tomorrow."

"Why?" He asked confused, rubbing her back gently.

"Well I'll need to get a new nightgown."

"What happened to the old one?"

"Well, I'm afraid I threw it away after that night."

"That's rather dramatic. Especially for my even tempered Scottish lass."

With that they drifted into sleep, snuggled in each others arms right on the settee.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: My apologies for the lateness of this chapter, I don't actually have internet service at my new apartment just yet, tear. Hopefully another chapter later tonight.**

Chapter 17

True to her word Elsie was up at the first light of dawn and off to Ripon on the first train of the day. In part, she just needed to be out of the house, they'd never make it to tonight if they were stuck inside all day.

Mr. Carson for his part found waiting at home to be far too unnerving, after only an hour on his own he decided to go to the main house to use the phone. He'd received a telegram a few days after he'd secured the tickets to Carmen telling him the perfect seats had suddenly become unavailable. Which of course Charles knew was code for someone had leaked that he'd retired. A butler, was a good friend to have, a retired butler was all but useless. Charles though was set on his course, he would get tickets if it killed him. It was not an issue of payment for the tickets, Charles still had a fair few pounds to his name, it just seemed he was unable to get tickets, every performance was booked. One sales person had told him the first available tickets would be six months out, regretfully he informed her that time was a factor. For a while he considered taking her to Manchester to the Opera there, or even York but really to compare the opera of any of those places to London was out of the question. He had to get tickets, and he was ready to pull out a few stops to do so.

"Mr. Reynolds, how are you doing?" Charles said into the phone, still an odd contraption if you asked him. Mr. Reynolds was a former butler in London who surprisingly had stayed very much in the thick of things, he did so by not being a man who gave things away lightly.

"Mr. Carson! I'm doing well, how are you? Are you enjoying retired life?" At that Charles couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yes, its quiet lovely actually. Mr. Reynolds I must admit I have an ulterior motive you see, a dear friend of mine is ill and one of the things she'd like to do before," he got slightly choked up at this point, "well before the end is to see a London Opera. Now my usual contacts have all fallen through and all I could think is that you are the only person who has never let me down."

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"The Family is going to London next week and they've invited us to travel with them, first class and all. I've been told there would even be room for several bottles of my sixty year old Scottish whiskey, though I doubt our return tickets it coach would have room for them." Charles added.

"Ah well, I'm sure I could secure some tickets for you, how many?" Mr. Reynolds asked, sounding much more helpful now.

"Just two."

"Anything in particular?"

"Well preferably something where the woman does die in the end." Charles said, hoping that would take Carmen out of the running.

"Ha, Mr. Carson, its opera, haven't you ever heard the phrase 'its not over until the fat lady sings!" Mr. Reynolds laughed at the other end of the line.

"Yes, well I'm certain whatever you find will be wonderful. We arrive in Thursday night and I'd like the tickets for a Friday or Saturday if possible, we will be returning to York on the Monday train."

"I'll see what I can do Charles. Just call on me when you arrive Thursday."

"Thank you, Jeffery." And with that Charles hung up the receiver, suddenly feeling very proud of himself.

He took a nice leisurely walk back to the cottage, tracing the route he and Elsie had taken the fateful day she'd challenged him to a race and ended up on her back in his arms. He smiled to himself at that thought. Suddenly as the cottage came into view anxiety began to take a hold of him again, hopefully he would make her happy tonight. _Perhaps,_ he thought to himself, _I ought to reread a few chapters of that book. _

As soon as Elsie had sat down in the first train to Ripon she had regretted it, not because she was changing her mind about Charles, she could never do that. She was looking forward to this evening with great anticipation, all her anxiety over his thoughts on her body had dissipated over the past few weeks. He worshiped her body like it was a holy temple, she knew she couldn't disappoint him, and she was fairly certain he could never disappoint her. No her regret at the train choice had happened the moment Anna Bates had climbed aboard.

"Mrs. Hughes, what are you doing on this train?" Anna asked, sitting down beside the housekeeper.

"Anna, its so good to see you," _bit of a lie,_ Elsie thought, "I need to do some shopping in Ripon. Yourself?"

"The same, I need to find a present for John." Anna said, placing her hand on her now large, full stomach, it would only be a few months more before the servants hall could enjoy the sweet sounds a crying babe.

"Is his birthday coming?"

"No, I keep catching him looking at my belly and getting this look of complete terror across his face."

Elsie couldn't help but laugh at that, "Well Anna, fatherhood can be a frightening thing to men."

"Yes, well I figured if I got him something he could look forward too, something he could enjoy after the baby, I thought that might help."

"Ah, well what did you have in mind then?" Elsie asked, innocently.

"There is a shop in Ripon that sells nightgowns, that are…shall we say a bit more artistic then practical."

"Is that the shop where you got that one for me?" Elsie asked, starting to catch on.

"Yes…um, that would be the place."

"Ah, I understand. Now Anna, since I have you here, and you cant very well run away from me. I would like to discuss that nightgown you got for me with Mr. Carsons money."

Anna looked down sheepishly at the floor.

"That was a very cruel thing to do to him, he was beet red when I opened that. I don't think he's been that embarrassed in all his life. Why did you do that Anna?"

"I meant no harm, I really didn't, but well, lets be honest with each other you two were made to be together, I thought that if Mr. Carson saw you in that or at least saw that near enough to you, it might prompt him to see you as a woman. Maybe he could appreciate you as such and…frankly the two of you have loved each other for years, its high time you do something about it."

With that both women sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Anna," Elsie said softly, "I appreciate you concern, I really do. And though I hate to say this, your plan did work, a little bit. Mr. Carson and I have come to an understanding, in fact the reason I am on this train now is to go to Ripon and purchase a new night gown, hopefully from that very store."

"Really!? What's happened to the old one? Have you worn it out already!" Anna said quickly before she fully understood what she was asking.

"No, you cheeky girl, there was an accident and it ended up in the fireplace."

At that Anna looked confused, Elsie quickly changed the subject and the rest of the ride was spent in idle conversation.

When they arrived in Ripon Elsie followed Anna to the shop, Anna quickly began scanning the store for what she was looking for, Elsie stood back in shock. The amount of lace and satin in this place was overwhelming; she didn't even know where to begin. After a few moments of hesitation, Elsie began to think that she ought to go over to the store across the street and buy herself a nice cotton nightgown, something with a pretty color maybe. Besides, it wasn't like she would be wearing it for long, it really didn't matter how pretty it looked. As she began to back out of the door politely Anna caught hold of her.

"Oh Mrs. Hughes, don't be embarrassed, I'm sure we'll find the perfect thing."

"Anna, I really think-" Elsie stumbled, trying to find a way out of the place.

"What color did you have in mind?" Anna, asked pulling Elsie even further into the shop.

"Well I really hadn't thought about a color."

"Well perhaps red." Anna suggested.

"Oh no, not red. Red is…too much. I need something more subtle, I'm not a young lass anymore Anna."

"Maybe a nice deep blue?"

"What about black?" said the shop keeper. "its classic, very sliming, elegant without trying too hard. In fact I might have the perfect thing." And with that the shopkeeper walked to the back. She reappeared a moment later carrying a beautiful black satin nightgown, thin satin straps lead down to the bust, which were encased in several layers of lace, giving it a beautiful filled effect and only letting the slightest hint of skin through, immediately under the bust the black satin resumed and trailed down to just above the knee where it stopped altogether.

"Its so short." Elsie said, unable to find any comment better then that.

"True, but short is becoming more popular, especially in bedroom wear." The shop keeper answered.

"She'll take it." Anna said, speaking for Mrs. Hughes, who had completely lost the power of speech.

Before Elsie knew it she was back at home in her little cottage, as she walked through the door, Charles jumped almost three feet in the air, knocking the book onto the floor.

"And what have you been doing all day?" Elsie asked, laughing a bit at his disheveled appearance. "Studying?"

"A bit, like trying to learn all the answers to a test just before you take it I guess." He said, picking the book up and setting it next to the chair. "And did your trip to Ripon prove…successful?" He asked, hesitating, painfully curious at what the box in her arms contained.

"Yes it did. Perhaps I should start dinner." She said setting the package down on the kitchen table. "Are you hungry?"

"No, not really. Are you?" He asked, inching forward towards her.

"I suppose not now that I think of it."

"Perhaps…" he hesitated.

"Yes?" She said, waiting for him to say it, to begin something, to lead the way.

"I'm a bit tired, I was thinking about going to bed."

"Ah, but its only three o'clock in the afternoon." She said, a bit disconcerted with the way this evening was going.

"Yes, well um, if one closes the curtains its practically nighttime." He said, a slight jolliness in his voice, having found a reasonable answer.

"I suppose so." There was an awkward silence; he'd made his move, would she join him. "Why don't you go change into your night things in the bedroom and I'll go to my old one and change myself, I'm feeling a bit tired, now I think of it." She said to him.

As Charles lay back on the bed, resting against the headboard he couldn't help but feel nervous, so very nervous. Blood was rushing to his head, his thoughts overwhelming him, perhaps this was a bad idea. Perhaps they should just be content with what they had, then she entered the room. The beautiful black silk and lace hugging every curve just right, her shapely legs and arms bare to his view, suddenly the blood was rushing somewhere completely different, and he knew the truth. There would be no greater thing in the world then to hold this woman in his arms.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Elsie..." Charles said completely speechless, one of the few occurrences in his life.

"I thought you were tired Charles." She teased, stepping ever so slight closer to the bed.

"I've just found some energy," he said smiling hopelessly at her.

"Good." With that she made her way over to the bed, sitting on her side facing away from him.

He leaned over and gently rubbed her back. "Are you alright Elsie? We don't have to, not if you aren't sure." He said moving closer to her, his hand still tenderly on the small of her back.

"No that's not it Charles, I want this. I really do its just, well I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want this to be disappointing, I mean partially every story you read is about love and...well this is the ultimate culmination of love. What if we can't figure it out?"

"Oh Elsie, just because we don't...make love like other people doesn't mean what's between us isn't just as wonderful and good. No matter what happens tonight, I love you, and that wont change." With that he tenderly placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you Charles." She said, reaching up to stroke his face. With that she moved back into the bed and laid her head against her pillow. Slowly, he laid down beside her, resting his hand on her hip, looking deeply into her crystal blue eyes.

After a long pause, she leaned up and kissed his gently. She hooked her leg over his thigh and pulled him closer towards her, he needed little more encouragement and gently eased his great weight over her, still kissing her lips softly, their tongues entwining. She began rubbing his thigh with her legs, she could feel his hard member against her stomach. He wanted her, and badly.

After several long minutes of kissing, Elsie began tackling the buttons of his nightshirt, slipping it off his shoulders with a power Charles had not yet experienced from her. It seemed her lust was beginning to take over as she reached her hand into his pajama trousers and took hold of him.

"God, Charles. Please…yes!" She began mewing as she rubbed herself up against him, the need aching deep within her. He could feel her wetness pressed up against him. He pulled back for a moment looking down at her as she continued writhing beneath him. Making eye contact, they nodded silently to each other, finally she reached down and pulled her nightgown up over her head.

"Gods Elsie." He said, beginning to lose control, realizing she'd left her knickers off, leaning down and gently taking a nipple into his mouth, biting and sucking, messaging the other gently. She began moaning aloud.

"Please Charles, please!" she cried.

With that he wiggled his pajama bottoms and shorts off. They both lay together now, completely unclothed, slightly sweaty bodies tight together. He pressed his lips gently to hers, moving his hands down he pushed himself into her.

Her breath hitched at the feel off him, at first it burned terribly. Charles held completely still, counting all the silver in his mind silently, trying to calm himself, trying to focus, trying not to lose himself in the sweet, wet heat of her.

"Oh Charles!" She said, as she began rolling her hips. He pulled back gently and pushed back into her, this time there was no burning, only an exquisite stretching, a pleasurable pressure building deep within her.

After a few strokes he paused and looked down at her. "Are you alright?" he asked, tentatively, ready to pull out and leave her if he needed to, regardless of how painful it would have been to him.

"I'm wonderful Charles, it doesn't hurt. It feels marvelous."

He pushed into her again, hanging his head down, revealing in the sweet feel of her body. Then he pushed even farther inside her, "Oh Charles! Yes!" she began moaning, he worked himself into a steady rhythm, pushing deeply and powerfully into her. Both their bodies began rocking together, the bed creaking in protest. His speed picked up, her hips pushed up to met him thrust for thrust. They both began speaking soft words of love, assent, begging God for sweet release. Then suddenly her nails dug into his back, her feet pushed into his bottom, she reared up yelling his name, "Charles! YES CHARLES! GODS YES!" She cried out, hoping the walls of their tiny cottage would muffle her cries as she went over the edge, collapsing back onto the bed. Charles lost himself at her release, shuddering hard, pleasure washing over him. He rolled over onto his back looking up at the ceiling.

Breathing hard, they simply sat side by side, eventually she reached over and took hold of his hand.

"All I can say is thank goodness we didn't start doing this years ago." She said, her breath finally starting to calm.

"Why is that love?" he said, squeezing her hand tightly.

"Because if we had, I'd never have let you get out bed."

He let out a roar of a laugh there. "Now I am tired," he said looking over and smiling at her. He leaned over, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

"Mmm, sleep now Charles. I'll be expecting an encore in the morning."

The next few days flew by for Elsie and Charles, Thursday was quickly approaching, in between packing for the trip to London they made love frantically. At almost every opportunity, Charles found himself able to recover as quickly as he used to in his younger days. Within an hour he was usually ready for another go around, often surprising Elsie as she was bending over to pick up her knickers.

It was Thursday morning and Elsie was just finishing getting dressed as Charles sat in his chair, trying desperately to finish his book, wanting to finish it so he could start his new one on the train, Charles Carson was not a man to be reading two different books at the same time. As he tried to read his mind kept wandering to Elsie, they'd done it on almost every surface of the house. The kitchen table had proven incredibly sturdy, the kitchen chair decidedly less so. The rug in the living room had left a fairly nasty rash on Charles back, and Elsie's bottom was still a bit sore from banging into the wall of the living room. As he thought about their experiemnts around the house he became more and more aroused.

"Charles, what time is it?" Elsie called from the bedroom, walking with her suitcase into the living room.

"About 9am, they will be here for us in half a hour." With that a devilish thought came to his mind.

"Elsie?" he asked, getting up and walking towards her, as she stood trying to get her watch on one handed.

"Hm?" Elsie said looking up into his eyes innocently, she quickly noted the lustful look in his eyes. "Charles Carson no! They will be here for us in half an hour!"

"You flatter me Elsie." He said grabbing her by the waist.

"Charles! Oh goodness Charles." She said, letting him drag her towards the bedroom. He picked her up, roughly depositing her on the bed, puling her bottom up to the edge of the bed. "Spread 'em lady!" he said, pulling her knickers off, pushing his trousers and shorts down in one swift movement. Within a moment he was inside her, thrusting into her with all the power he had within him. After just a few thrusts she began screaming his name as she fell over the edge into the sheer bliss of their coupling.

"Oh God Elsie!" He screamed, shuddering and spilling with in. Then suddenly he was on his knees, "God Elsie…Elsie, somethings wrong, my chest, Elsie!" He said clutching his chest, falling over to the side. Elsie jumped up off the bed.

"Charles! Charles can you hear me!" she screamed, getting down putting her hand on his chest, he was unconscious. Panic began to overtake her, she looked at his watch, it was almost 9:30 they would be there any moment. She pulled his pants back up, slipped her knickers on as she ran out of the house, running down the road hoping to meet the car and to get them there sooner.

Waving her arms like a wild woman, Tom Branson pulled the car over towards her.

Lord Grantham leaned out the window, "Everything alright Mrs. Hughes?" He said, sensing the alarm in her movements.

"No, its Mr. Carson! He grabbed his chest and fell over. He's passed out on the bedroom floor, I cant wake him."

"Oh God! Tom get us there now, we've got to take him to the hospital." With that the car took off, Elsie followed behind running, her energy being sapped out of her with all the stress of what had just happened. By the time she made it back to the cottage, Tom and Lord Grantham were carrying Charles into the automobile. Elsie jumped inside next to him, grabbing hold of Charles hand.

"Don't worry Mrs. Hughes, we will get him to Dr. Clarkson as soon as we can."

"Oh Charles," she said, looking down at the unconscious Charles. "You cant die before me! Im supposed to go first, you cant take that away from me. I cant live without you. Please don't die Charles!" she cried. Praying she would be the one waiting for him at Heavens gates, not him waiting for her.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Well I hope some of you will be relieved by this chapter. As always reviews are greatly appreciated!**

Chapter 19

It only took Tom a few minutes to get to the Downton hospital though to Elsie it felt like the ride took hours. Tom began pounding on the horn as they approached the hospital prompting two nurses and the doctor himself to come outside and see the commotion.

Lord Grantham jumped out of the car before it had even stopped.

"Dr. Clarkson it's Carson, something with his heart he's unconscious." With that the men leapt into action. Lord Grantham and Tom carrying Charles into the hospital, Clarkson right behind them shouting drugs and doses to the nurses who quickly supplied him with what he needed.

Just behind the car Tom was driving was another car carrying all the women, not understanding what was happening they had followed into town and were now standing next to Elsie watching dr. Clarkson work.

"Mrs. Hughes what was he doing before the attack?" Clarkson asked not even bothering to look up at her.

"What do you mean?" Elsie asks confused, surely she wouldn't have to admit before the entire family that she and Charles were...had been...

"What was he doing? Was he sitting, was he running around the cottage. Mes Hughes I need an answer."

Flustered with the situation Elsie gave up all propriety, propriety be damned the man she loved was laying on a hospital bed almost hand to hand with his maker.

"We were making love, well he'd...well we'd just finished-um were done and he clutched his chest saying he was having pain and fell over. His pants were still down from Christ sake!" She said bursting into uncontrollable sobs.

Lady Grantham put her arms around the distraught Elsie. Tom tried to hide a snicker, as lord Grantham looked down at Charles, you sly old dog, he thought.

Mary, who up to this point had been standing to the back fighting tears, couldn't help the smile on her face. Her beloved Carson it seemed had found some joy and happiness in the world, though the more she thought about it the more she was certain she didn't want to know anything about his love life, in fact she thought, she might even be more comfortable hearing about her parents sex life then Carson's. Looking at the horribly distraught Mrs. Hughes, recalling how Mary herself had been in a similar spot not long ago, praying to some distant Heavenly Father to give her her own love back, Mary fell to her knees and prayed.

"Lord Grantham, I believe its time the ladies left." Clarkson said looking at the women who were all either sobbing, praying or both. With that Lord Grantham began to user them out of the room.

"No, I wont go! I wont leave him!" Elsie cried.

"You have to Mrs. Hughes, the doctor cant work with us here. Its best."

"No, I need to be with him, that is whats best." She cried, clinging to Lord Granthams waistcoat, her legs feeling very weak under her.

"Mrs. Hughes, you can stay, but you are to sit in that corner and not make a sound. Do you hear me?" Clarkson said angrily, frustrated that Charles was not responding to the medications.

"Yes, of course," she said wiping away her tears, moving to the corner of the room and sitting down on a small stool. As she was hunched down she pulled out the ring Charles had given her, she clutched it between her hands and began praying.

_Please don't take him, please don't take him, please, please oh merciful God don't take him from me! I'm supposed to die first! Isn't that how you planned this? We've spent twenty years in love with each other and we've just realized, we need more time, please! I cant watch him die._

At that she heard a gasp, looking up she saw Charles moving! His eyes were rolling around like a man possessed, his body fighting against the nurses trying to hold him in place, to keep the oxygen mask over his face.

"Charles!" She screamed, leaping from her chair and running to him. She pushed Dr. Clarkson out of the way and laid her head on Charles chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Mrs. Hughes!" Clarkson yelled, "What did I say!" Realizing what she was doing Elsie lifted her head from his chest and moved away from him slightly, but as she did so Charles reached out and grabbed hold of her hand. Moving to stand almost behind him, Elsie held tightly onto his hand as Dr. Clarkson continued his work.

Several hours later Elsie was dozing in the chair next to Charles, still holding his hand tightly. He'd been awake from some time but she looked so frazzled, so worn, he didn't have the heart to wake her. Looking closely at the hand in his, he noticed her ring. It now sat proudly on her finger, his heart swelled with pride,and he briefly wondered if anyone knew what they had been doing when his horrible attack had occurred. _No,_ he thought, _she'd sooner die then admit to everyone they'd been making wild passionate love when his heart gave out._

Dr. Clarkson walked up and sat on the other side of Charles.

"So what is the news?" Charles asked, in a soft voice. Thought not soft enough as Elsie's eyes flew open.

"I'm so sorry, I must have dozed off for a minute." She said, tears beginning to form in her eyes, thinking herself a terrible nurse maid.

"No need to worry Mrs. Hughes, the nurses have been watching him too. You've had a trying day to say the least." Clarkson reassured her. "Though I do have some unfortunate news for you Mr. Carson. You had a heart attack today. And honestly the odds were not in your favor for survival, the odds are also against you never having one again. You will need to take better care of your heart, no more heavy lifting-"

"He hasn't done that in months." Elsie spoke up.

"Well…actually I might have helped the boys carry the wine deliveries a few times." Charles admitted sheepishly.

"Charles Carson!" Elsie shouted, "Are you trying to kill yourself!?"

"Certainly not! I'm just as strong as I was twenty years ago!" He argued.

"But your heart is not Mr. Carson, I really must insist you take it easy. I will keep you here for two weeks, one if you behave yourself. Then when you return home everything will need to change, your diet, your exercise level."

"Exercise level?" Elsie asked confused, certainly he didn't mean…

"Yes, I understand you've recently begun a more…physical relationship. Now there is nothing wrong with that, there is no reason to give that sort of thing up altogether but you should use a bit of…caution. Stick to a bed, the support will help reduce the strain on your body and well, I'd try to restrict yourself to three times a week."

"Three times a week!?" Charles cried.

"Is that a problem?" Clarkson asked, looking between the pair who had both turned an interesting shade of red.

"We've grown accustomed to a schedule that is more like three times a day," Elsie admitted quietly, "however if he attempts to drop dead after every…encounter, well that won't do at all. Three times a week it is."

With that Clarkson nodded and got up, "I've a few patients to check on, I will see how you are doing later." He said, trying to make it out of the room before the giggles took over.

"Well," Charles said, still a bit in shock.

"We knew we couldn't go on like that forever, I'm just glad it was your body that said uncle before mine." She said, with a half hearted giggle.

He smiled over at her. "You should go to London Elsie, you can still catch the last train and go to the Opera, the tickets are all arranged."

"Charles Carson, are you honestly the stupidest man in all of England! I'm not leaving your side." She said, full of righteous indignation.

"There is no point in staying here, I'll be in this bed for another two weeks."

"One if you behave." She reminded him.

"And what's the likely hood of that!" He said, causing a laugh to escape her throat.

"Be that as it may, my place is with you darling. I…well, when I thought you were…I realized the things on that list are ridiculous. My life wont suddenly be fulfilled by seeing a stupid Opera in London-"

"What about one in York?" He interrupted.

"You daft man! No, none of that matters. What will make my life worth it, what will give it any purpose is you, is loving a good man and being loved by a good man. That's all that matters at the end, how much you've loved. And I love you very much Charles, and I wont be leaving your side."

There was an awkward silence among them, the unsaid words hung in the air.

"At least voluntarily." She finally said breaking the tension.

He smiled sweetly at her, "You know Elsie, Clarkson never said we couldn't kiss as much as we like." He said, wiggling his eye brows at her.

With that she leaned over and gently pressed her lips to his.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Well we are beginning to head towards the end of this story, I'm sure most of you can imagine what the end holds but I beg you hold on and keep reading, it will be sad, but hopefully sweet as well. As usual reviews are greatly appreciated, they really do keep me typing and some of your comments, well they just make me giggle and come up with all kinds of new things to add. Originally I wasn't going to mess with Charles health but so many comments mentioned not wanting Elsie to die and what would happen to Charles without her, that got my crazy mind turning!**

Chapter 20

It was less than a week before Charles was back at home. He'd turned into such a nightmare for the whole hospital staff the nurses had pleaded to Clarkson to discharge him. Whether it was complaining about the food, or criticizing the way the nurses folded his blankets he was miserable at every turn. It was clear to all that saw him that he would not relax enough to uncover until he was at home in his own bed. The nurses had occasionally looked at Elsie with pleading eyes but she merely chuckled at them.

"You think he's bad here, imagine what my life will be like when he gets home!"

Though she jested she couldn't wait to get him back home, she'd tried sleep without but found herself awake all night. The next day she had packed a bag and stayed by his side, dozing in the empty bed next to him at night. It occurred to him late at night, while looking over at her sweet face, gently bathed in the soft glow of moonlight, that for the past twenty years they had almost always slept in the same house, with the exception of course of the London season, and more recently the same room but there has always been an understanding that the other was not far, that they could find each other suddenly if they needed to. He looked at her sleeping and prayed he would outlive her. It was a cold thing to say; it would kill him to see her die but she...how would she survive without him? These past eight months they had been living knowing she would die first, that he would hold her hand and kiss her brow as God called her. Now, that was all in question. After Elsie had finally fallen asleep that first day Charles had asked Clarkson for the truth. He told him the x-rays had shown a lump near his heart, probably a tumor. If he took care of himself, took his meds, ate well and stopped drinking wine he might make it a year. Charles had sworn him to secrecy at that; Elsie must never know, no one could. He wanted her to have peace, no matter the cost.

"Charles" she said settling him down in his chair, taken aback when he pulled her down onto his lap. "How are you feeling?" She asked, stroking the side of his face.

"Wonderful, and yourself love." He asked.

"Fine, I'd say that little stunt of yours took years off my life but..." She started chuckling and he joined her, pressing his lips to hers.

"Now how long did Clarkson say before we could begin...well you know..."

"Charles Carson you've just had a heart attack, is sex all you can think about?" She asked shocked.

"Actually yes, and having your lovely bosom so near me doesn't help." He said pressing his face into her cleavage.

"Charles you've another two and a half weeks before we can enjoy such things again. And when we can I think it best we make a schedule."

"You want to schedule love making? How romantic of you Elsie."

"Charles, think about it. We go at it at nearly every opportunity, what if we have a particularly randy Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and we've nothing left for the rest of the week."

"You do have a point, so what do you propose?"

"Well Sunday we have to be up early for church, so that takes Saturday night off the table."

"Makes sense, perhaps Sunday night." He said.

"Sunday night would be good."

"And maybe Tuesday?" Charles asked.

"Tuesday, why Tuesday?"

"Well, what else can you do with a Tuesday?" He said in all seriousness.

"I'm not quite sure how to respond to that Charles but alright, Tuesday would be lovely."

"Then perhaps Friday?"

"Alright," She said kissing his lips gently, "Sunday, Tuesday and Friday." She patted his chest lightly. "I best get luncheon started." She said getting up from his lap. He smiled to himself as he walked away. The new schedule was certainly no three times a day, but it was nice to know he had things to look forward to. He also made a mental note of what days to avoid making her mad.

Two and a half weeks later Charles and Elsie lay in bed, bodies pushed together completely naked, just beginning to catch their breaths again. Charles lazily held her to him with one arm over Elsie's body, as she gently traced circles around the skin of his back.

"We ought to look over that list again." Charles said, "make sure we haven't missed anything."

"Is that all you can think about? After what we've just done!" Feeling a bit put out.

"No Elsie, all I can think about is pressing my face to your cleavage and having my wicked way with you again but since you seem to dislike it when I attempt to die after love making, I thought I should distract myself."

"Ah, well that's good to know. I'll go get the list." She said getting up, not bothering to put her robe on.

"That isn't helping Elsie." He shouted from the bed, enjoying the view of her beautiful backside. She looked at him over her shoulder giving him a seductive wink.

She came back a moment later holding the list in her hand.

"Charles, I hate to say this but I think this list is really rather silly. We've done most everything on it." She said, sitting down beside him and handing him the list.

"Well we haven't had a snowball fight, or been to the Opera." He said, scanning over the few items not scratched out.

"But we've done all that matters, I've not worn any black, well except for the nightgown." She said smiling at the memory.

"Well and you ought not wear that again, I don't think my poor heart could take it." He said, swooning dramatically in the bed.

"You know this list is well and truly silly. There was a time I thought these things would give my life purpose." She took the list from his, looking at it with bemusement she tore it up.

"Elsie!" Charles shouted.

"Oh shush," she said, getting up from the bed and tossing the pieces in the waste basket across the room. "Now," she said turning back to look at him. "Back to more important things, cuddling and kissing until the wee hours of morning."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: So this is the last chapter before the end, the final chapter is already written and will be posted in just a few hours. Enjoy, reviews are greatly appreciated, especially since this is my first story here, hopefully I didn't miss the mark too badly!**

Chapter 21

Christmas marked fourteen months since Dr. Clarkson had told Elsie she only had six to twelve months to live. _Bloody quack,_ Charles thought as he pulled Elsie even tighter into his embrace. They still had two hours before they had to be at the main house, and while it was a Thursday Charles had convinced Elsie to indulge him in some Christmas time adult cheer. Now she rested contently in his arms, in fact, if he listened closely he was fairly certain he could hear her purring.

"Elsie, I think we might have to get up soon." He whispered into her ear a short while later, gently taking the lobe between his teeth for a little tug.

"Um, five more minutes." She mumbled, pulling his hand to her breast, urging his fingers to caress her nipple.

"You've said that for the past thirty minutes, and believe me as much as I enjoy a morning feel up, we really should get dressed now. The family expects us promptly at noon." He said, reluctantly pulling his hand from her breast and getting up.

"Before we get dressed Charles, there is a present under the tree I'd like you to open." She said, pulling the covers up to her chest to cover herself.

"Which one?" He said, confused.

"The rectangular red one with the green bow, go get it and bring it in here." She said smiling.

He quickly left the room and returned with said present and an excited look on his face. _He is a child at Christmas_, Elsie thought to herself with a giggle.

"What is it!?" He asked, not even comprehending that he could simply open it.

"Well look and see for yourself. I know its early, but it might be nice to have for today." She said, holding her breath waiting for his reaction.

He tore the present open, with probably more force then was truly necessary but none the less. Tears began to form in his eyes as he pulled out a mauve shirt and a blue tie, noting that they matched exactly the skirt and shirt she had just finished making for herself.

"Oh Elsie!" He said, speechless, a thing that was becoming more and more common in Elsie's midst.

"Well I realized if I made a skirt instead of a dress I'd have enough material to make you something as well. Now I realize that this might be a bit silly, matching outfits but well…I hoped you would like it." She said, trying to hide her emotions away, preparing herself for him to hate it, ready to conceal her disappointment at a moments notice.

"Oh Elsie! I love it. Its wonderful, oh love, I would happily match you any day. I'll wear this today to luncheon, will you wear yours as well."

"I will if that wont embarrass you too much." She said, letting the happiness at his joy and appreciation seep into her face.

"Oh love, it would be the highlight of my Christmas," an awkward pause, "after this morning of course." He said, a look of relief came to her face as she got up and began dressing for the day.

Charles had arranged a snowball fight on the grounds of Downton Abbey, all the footman and maids, and even a few of the family had joined in, running around throwing snowballs at one another. Elsie and Charles had sat by the window watching it all unfold when they noticed Daisy had fallen.

"Charles go help her!" Elsie cried, to which Charles quickly got up and ran outside helping the young lady back up to her feet. Then suddenly, without warning he felt a snowball hit him square in the back. He turned quickly to find Elsie standing at the front door, another snowball in her hand, laughing quiet hardily.

"Elise Hughes! You devilish woman! You ought to at least put on gloves!"

"Oh spoil sport! She said, launching the second one which ended up landing in the snow just before his feet."

"I always said you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!" He hollered, heading towards her.

"More like the broad side of a butler!" she laughed, ducking back inside the house.

When he finally caught up with her she was back in the living room watching the fight continue, hardly anyone had even noticed the older couple coming out or going back into the house.

"Elsie, your hands are freezing!" Charles said, taking them in his own.

"Then perhaps you should take me home and warm them." She said with a wink.

"Elsie, three times a week." He reminded her.

"Spoil sport." She whispered leaning over and kissing him.

In the weeks following Christmas Elsie had developed a slight cough. Though neither Charles nor herself let it stop her. For valentines day Charles had arranged a bit of a surprise, taking Elsie over to the big house that night they arrived to find the grand hallway had been converted into an amateur opera house. As Charles and Elsie sat in the front row the gramophone began playing the score of The Magic Flute. Lady Rose, Lady Edith, Lady Mary and a few of their friends then came out and acted out the various roles of the show, trying frequently, with little success to mouth the words. Elsie watched in delight as they girls fumbled and bumbled out a performance not to be forgotten in Opera's grand and illustrious history. Lady Mary for herself seemed to enjoy performing quiet immensely, she'd been given the role of the Queen of the Night, the irony had not been lost on Elsie or Charles in that casting choice.

By the end of March Elsie's cough had still not gone away, it had begun to develop into a great problem, she had begun losing sleep at night, and Dr. Clarkson had quickly prescribed a sleeping aid for her.

April 4th was the last time they made love. It was a Tuesday night and though they had not kept perfectly on schedule since the end of February they still found comfort in each others arms at least once a week.. This night however, they were on fire. Somehow they both silently understood this would be the last time, this would be the last opportunity to squeeze every ounce of pleasure out of each others flesh, and they wasted not kiss, stroke or moment. Hours later they lay entangled together, both contently smiling, knowing that this truly was not the ultimate expression of their love. That their love for each other could be expressed in the simplest smile or the softest kiss, the ultimate expression of their love for one another was every moment of every day, they lived as people in love with each breath.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: This is the second chapter today, and here we are, the end of what I will admit has been a very fun journey. I have enjoyed writing this immensely and will hopefully continue writing, should the plot bunnies decide to hop into my head again. I hope you enjoy, and while this chapter might be sad hopefully it can be bitter sweet. **

Chapter 22

On the 10th of May she had complained to him that she was having horrible pains in her stomach. On the 12th of May she finally took to her bed, not getting up at all. Charles was faithfully at her side, Dr. Clarkson came and told them both it seemed the end was very near. He'd given Charles a prescription to give her, something to ease her pain. Every eight hours on the hour he helped lift her up enough getting the pill and a little bit of food down her. By the 14th of May she no longer wanted to eat.

"Elsie, you have to eat something!" He pleaded, tears forming in his eyes as he held the broth Mrs. Patmore had sent over close to her mouth. She simply nodded her head at him, he placed the bowl on the table beside the bed he turned back to her, she reached her left hand up and caressed the side of her face, his thumb traced the golden band on her finger.

"I'm terminal Charles." She said firmly.

"Life is terminal." Charles retorted.

"Its time Charles." She said softly, gently wiping away the tear the fell from his eye.

"But there's so much…I never asked do you…do you want to be here, or in Scotland with your family. Because I can take you there-"

"No Charles, I want to be here with you. Just, make sure we're side by side, that's all I ask. I'll be waiting for you up there but, I'd still like us to be side by side."

"Of course, anything Elsie." He said tears beginning to fall in earnest down his cheeks.

"Oh get into bed you daft man." She said, moving over slowly to make room for him. He climbed in beside her and shuffled himself down so they were face to face, nose to nose.

"Oh Charles, I love you." She said, looking deeply into the beautiful eyes she'd come to know as home.

"And I love you Elsie." He said back, noting the lack of fear or concern in her face. She seemed at ease in fact, completely content. She was sure it would not be long before they saw each other again, Charles knew it too, his chest had been giving him more and more pain but with Elsie the way he was he hadn't said anything.

"Its rather amazing isn't it Charles," she said, entwining her fingers with his, holding them tight between them. "We've managed to pack a lifetime of love into just a few short months." She said, giggling softly.

"Yes, who would have ever thought it was quality over quantity." He said beaming back at her, yes they would not be apart long. It would feel like just another London season, a short time at the moment but in retrospect, in the long run it would hardly be any time.

"Ours is a love for the history books, Elsie." He said, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"That it is Charles, that it is." She said, pushing her lips to his in a sweet and tender kiss.

"Rest now love," he said, "I'm right here."

Elsie didn't awake the next morning, she'd slipped into a coma during the night. Charles sat by her side for the next two days, only briefly ever letting go of her, Anna sat in the room with him as well, bouncing her little baby girl Charlotte Elizabeth on her lap, her name derived from the two people Anna looked to as parents.

Two days later, at 8am on the 16th of May Elsie Hughes passed away. Charles had been intently watching her breaths become farther and farther apart, holding his own until hers came, and finally they stopped. Looking down at his angel, the love of his life, he kissed her lips tenderly and left the room, walking into her bedroom and crying uncontrollably. They buried her the next day, Charles had picked out the spot in the graveyard, it overlooked the entire estate, with no trees around it was forever bathed in sunlight, just like her. The tombstone was simple, as Elsie had wanted, "Elsie Hughes, beloved."

Charles made it two months without Elsie, his heart had been getting worse and worse but he found himself not caring. Death was no longer a frightening thing to him, it was no longer the end. He knew as the laid in the same bed, taking his last breaths, holding onto Anna's hand that Elsie would be waiting for him, that soon he would get to spend eternity with his best friend, his lover. Charles Carson passed away on the July 16th at 10:30am, a silly smile on his face.

They had buried him just two days later, laying him right next to Elsie. His tombstone they decided should mirror hers, "Charles Carson, beloved."

A week later Anna was cleaning out the cottage when she found a book in the nightstand, opening it tentatively she saw a drawing she couldn't make out, turning the book to its side she finally realized what she was looking at and dropped the book to the ground. As she picked it up again two slips of paper fell out.

There's had been a love for the history books but alas it was never to be put down onto paper, the world would never know of the deep lover a former butler and housekeeper had found, in a tiny cottage, on a large estate, the threat of death looming over them. The world would never know that two people who'd spent the entirety of their lives caring for others, would find such a strong and sturdy love so late in life, no one in the world would have believed it. But as Anna looked at the two pieces of paper she realized just how a great a love Charles and Elsie had had. The first piece of paper contained the ripped up bits of Elsie's list, they had carefully been put back together, her soft, small penmanship marred slightly by the wrinkles of the paper, but through every item there was a both and firm solid line. As Anna opened the second piece of paper her breath left her, written in Charles bold and distant hand the note said.

Things to do Before I Die

Love a good woman

A firm and solid line was crossed through it.

THE END!


End file.
